Women who breastfeed babies in public could be facing charges of indecent exposure under new legislation passed earlier this week. It will go to Seanad Éireann for approval later this week and is expected to be signed into law by President Higgins in early March.
The Bill to outlaw public breastfeeding was put forward to the Dáil by Kerry TD Fonsie O’Donaghue and received cross-party support in the lower house of the Oireachtas with a comfortable forty-vote majority.
Time this was stamped out
Speaking to correspondents after, the Kerry Deputy said; “Ah, Jaysus ’tis a great bit of news altogether. It’s time this sort of thing was well and truly stamped out for once and for all. Jaysus it was getting to the stage that a man couldn’t go out and enjoy a quiet pint without some young-wan getting her boobs out.
“Ok,” the Kerry TD went on, “it might be acceptable in some shagging trendy wine bar in Ballsbridge but it’s surely not acceptable in rural Ireland. It would fecking put you off your pint, so it would.
“If breastfeeding it is to be done it should be done at home in a house with the doors locked and the curtains well and truly drawn tight and when the husband is away down at the pub.”
Left a perfectly good pint behind
“I seen it with me own two eyes,a few auld-lads out for a pint in a quiet country pub and next thing you know you have three or four young-wans down from Dublin knocking back pints and dropping half their blouses so that some infant can have a suck off them.
“I’m telling you I’ve seen many the auld-fella get up and leave a perfectly good pint behind ‘cos they couldn’t stand the sight or listen to the sound of the slurping.”
Perfect recollection
“I was in me own pub, not so long ago when this young-wan down from Dublin just popped her yokes out a stuck a child on to one of them. She couldn’t have been more than twenty-two or three.
“She was wearing a tight almost see-through white tee-shirt and no bra with a pair of tight jeans on that she must have been poured into. I didn’t know where to look I was so embarrassed,” said the Kerry TD who, for someone who didn’t know where to look, had a surprising recollection for detail.
Unsurprising Church response
Not surprisingly, the Catholic Church has come out in favour of the new indecent exposure penalties for women breastfeeding in public. A spokesperson for the Synod of Irish Bishops said. “As a body, the Synod of Bishops is as always behind any move that is designed to subjugate and demoralise women.
“We have had this stance for centuries now and see absolutely no reason to change position. These women should be ashamed of themselves. Next thing you know they’ll be wanting to breastfeed in mass on a Sunday.
“As a body, the Church is totally opposed to breastfeeding and that’s the official Vatican ruling on the matter — if God had wanted women to breastfeed well then would he have made plastic bottles?” the Bishop asked.
Shortages of baby formula
Retail outlets across Ireland are reporting shortages of Baby Formula on their shelves as Irish women prepare to do as they always have done — exactly what the Church and State tell them to do.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
