Cavan man FURIOUS Brexit might halt buying cheap booze north of the border

A Cavan man is said to be extremely angry at the possibility of a hard-border and increased customs controls in the North of Ireland after Brexit.

It is likely that a No-Deal Brexit will see the UK including Northern Ireland leave the European Customs Union and that security measures to stamp out cross border smuggling will be strengthened.

Mr James (Jimmy) Mc Phartland, a County Cavan Farmer, currently travels north twice a week to available of lower alcohol prices in the six counties.

Mr Mc Phartland who also has a keen interest in currency fluctuations spoke to reporters who had gathered at his twelve-acre farm near Slieve Rusheen Bog and said.

“It’s all well and fine for those Brussels Bureaucrats, but they don’t have to find the money for the cheap cans of beer like I do.

The auld farming and turf cutting is thirsty work.”

He continued before getting back to eating his dinner out of a drawer.

“It was grand in the old days. There was none of this electronic GPS surveillance and at least everyone knew where the Brit checkpoints were — in fairness, they were fairly easy to avoid.

“A quick detour through Paddy Murphy’s lower paddock to avoid checkpoints was all that was needed.

“Jaysus some boyos made a fortune with the alcohol and cigarette smuggling. They did to be sure!

“The Good Friday agreement saw the end of the hard-border. That was the goose that laid the golden egg for hard-drinkers like me.

“The skills of the cross-border smuggler have been lost to us. Shur, the youths of today with their Amazon this and Amazon that and buying things over the fecking WIFI machine haven’t a clue of what it was like in the old days.

“It was great craic to do the odd midnight run in a Hiace van packed to the rafters with booze and cigs and the fecking SAS shooting at you.

“I’m telling you here and now even if the prices do go up there is no way I’m dipping into my communion money ” the sixty-five-year-old Cavan man stated firmly.

“Ah shur, ’tis pointless complaining I suppose, if the worst comes to the worst we can always go back to falsifying the EU subsidy claims, Jaysus we might have too to keep the Devil from the door. But I hates paperwork I do.”