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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Award for Dublin City Council worker who ‘finally does full days work’
    Craic Satire

    Award for Dublin City Council worker who ‘finally does full days work’

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterJanuary 24, 2020No Comments3 Mins Read
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    A Dublin City Council Worker has been awarded the James Larkin Medal for actually completing a full day’s work for the first time in his career.

    Jimmy Murphy, a roads maintenance operative with the Council, has been awarded the prestigious award for diligence, perseverance and attention to detail when he finally completed an entire shift after twenty-two years employment.

    The award was presented to Murphy at a ceremony held at City Hall last night by the Mayor of Dublin which was also attended by Jimmy’s co-workers and his immediate family.

    Background to the Medal

    Jim Larkin statue. Credit: commons.wikimedia.org

    The James Larkin Medal was constituted in 2000 and its sole purpose was to foster an ethos of responsibility and dedication among Dublin City Council Staff. Mr Murphy is the first recipient of the award.

    Dublin Council Manager Eddie Power said; “It gives me great joy to present this medal to Jimmy; over the past twenty years the City Council have been unable to find one worker who actually completed a continuous shift without some class of interruption.

    “There’s usually forty-nine fag breaks, twenty-two toilet breaks, three-hour lunch breaks, four-hour warming their hands in their pockets and stamping their feet to keep warm breaks and of course the obligatory two hours spent breastfeeding a shovel while having a chat breaks.”

    Rigor Mortis

    The Manager went on to relate that half a decade ago they thought they had found a successful worker who actually did what he was supposed to do for a full shift.

    “About five years ago we were carrying out road repairs on O’Connell Street fairly near to O’Connell Bridge. One lad had been detailed to direct traffic.

    “We were watching him on closed-circuit TV and in fairness, he just stood there all day not moving and holding up the no-entry flag like what he was supposed to do.

    “Unfortunately, when it came to knocking-off time, the foreman noticed that he had died in his sleep on the spot and rigor mortis had set in over the afternoon — so that sort of ruled him out of the running,” the manager confessed sombrely.

    Hard-work earned Jimmy the award

    Credit: PEO ACWA / Flickr

    Jimmy was nominated for the award by a City Council Time and Motion executive who noticed that one day while carrying out road repairs in a suburban council housing complex Jimmy showed exceptional diligence to one particular house on the estate.

    “He really-really went overboard in repairing the potholes, footpaths and public lawns adjacent to the house. Even when the public road was tarmacadamed Jimmy took the leftover tarmac and laid a new drive for the nearby house.

    “It’s great to see a council worker going above and beyond the call of duty in looking after Council housing stock.”

    Worked like a Trojan

    “Not only that, Jimmy nipped back to the Council Depot and returned with new kerbstones, gutters and enough exterior and interior paint to redo the house.

    Credit: commons.wikimedia.org

    “Jaysus I never saw a man work as hard as Jimmy did to do up that house — he didn’t take a minutes rest all day just worked like a fecking Trojan he did,” the council executive said.

    Jimmy’s award ‘under review’

    Meanwhile in Ireland’s Investigative Unit has just learned that the house that Jimmy so diligently repaired and improved is in fact now owned by his mother-in-law who had just purchased it under a tenant purchase scheme from the Council. Jimmy’s award is under review.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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