A twenty-seven-year-old Cork man was rushed to hospital early this morning suffering from what doctors have diagnosed to be a severe case of inferiority complex issues.
Emergency services were called to a house in Togher on the south side of the nation’s southern capital city at around 2.00am when the man’s partner noticed him behaving oddly.
“The Weirdest Thing Ever”
Sylvia Murphy, the long-time partner of Dennis O’Shea was interviewed on Cork’s Red Fm radio this morning.
“It was the weirdest thing ever.” She told presenter Neil Prenderville.
“Dennis was just sitting there enjoying a can of Murphy’s Stout when he suddenly said, ‘Do you know what Girl? I think we should take one of those weekend break things and go to Dublin. I hear ’tis nice.’
“I nearly fell off the settee, I did Neil.” She told the Nation’s number-one radio host.
“I mean buoy, why would anyone want to go to Dublin, even for a weekend? What’s in Dublin that we don’t already have bigger and better here in Cork?” She asked.
Acting Strangely
“That was bad enough.” She continued before going on to describe how lately she had begun to notice her partner acting strangely.
“He’s begun to come out with stuff like ‘Patrick’s Street is like a smaller version of Grafton Street and I could murder a pint of Guinness.’ The worst thing was the other night I came home early from work and caught him watching FairCity.
I really am very worried Buoy,” she sobbed down the line.
Medical Opinion
A spokesperson for Cork’s University Hospital Dr Finbar Lynch confirmed that they were treating O’Shea for a suspected inferiority complex.
“It’s not the worse case we have seen, as such this patient is still at the doubting stage.” He told the media. “It normally manifests itself with the early signs of Cork people sometimes thinking that other places might be as good as Cork. We refer to that as early onset but if not treated promptly it can develop into what we call a full-blown inferiority complex.”
Dr Lynch explained “Full-blown IC is where Cork people actually begin to believe those other cities are bigger and better than Cork. That needs major and intensive therapy to cure,” he said.
Danger to the Public
Dr Lynch did admit that there is a moderate danger to the public. ” “Inferiority Complex issues can be contagious.” He told us.
“Unfortunately if sufferers are left undiagnosed they can contaminate others through simple social interaction. Like, for example, if they are out for a pint and compliment the DART or LUAS systems. It can spread like wildfire then.
It’s lucky we caught this case in time.”
MeanwhileinIreland News has learned that Cork City Council in a bid to eradicate any further outbreaks is to instigate a loudspeaker playing of looped versions of On the Banks and The Boys of Fairhill.
Shandon Bells will also be rung continuously until the danger has passed.
If you are from Cork and have been affected by the above the Samaritans can be contacted on Freephone 116 023 and ask for a native Cork speaker.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
