After many months of lockdown, Dublin’s Dogging Clubs are to be allowed to reopen following Government confirmation.
A Government Spokesperson has announced that Dublin’s favourite dogging areas are to reopen next week. The announcement was made at a hastily convened press conference held this afternoon at Government Buildings.
The move is seen as a major relaxation of the lockdown restrictions which devastated Dublin’s deviant society since the ‘Dogging in Public Places Ban’ was introduced during the early stages of the Covid-19 pandemic.
Background story
Dogging is the practice of watching or engaging in exhibitionist sexual activity in a public place. The activity gained tremendous popularity during the early eighties and is linked by many sociologists to the carefree days of the Celtic Tiger.
The activity is exceptionally popular in South County Dublin with some dogging sites seeing up to 100 enthusiasts per event. Events are usually held after dark in various secluded areas known only to members and invited guests.
Government announcement of the lifting of restrictions
The announcement was made by Ms. Cynthia O’Shea, newly-appointed Government Press Secretary, who told reporters: “After strong recommendations from the Department of Culture and Tourism, the Cabinet has decided to include dogging in the latest round of Covid Lockdown restrictions.”
She continued; “The Cabinet is fully aware of the cultural importance of Dogging to a large and growing South Dublin public. They are also cognisant of people’s need to interface after many months of isolation. We are a government that puts the public’s needs first,” she concluded.
Ms. O’Shea refused to comment on whether the government subsidy payment traditionally paid to those who practice dogging through the medium of the Irish language would be continued.
Welcome move for many
The lifting of the Dogging restrictions regulations was welcomed by the Chairperson of the South Dublin Area Doggers (SDAD), Ms. Alice O’Driscoll, who said: “We are absolutely thrilled by the Government’s decision. Let’s face it – dogging is not exactly a solo activity — it’s not like you can indulge in kinky casual sex on your own. Well, you know what I mean!” she added.
Ms. O’Driscoll was asked would social distancing protocols be observed during Dogging events. “Why, of course,” she said, then added: “Now, we might have to bend the rules slightly to suit the needs of our members.
“Like, for example, the last thing you want if you’re out having casual sex with a complete stranger — or a few complete strangers at the same time — is contact tracing. So, that’s why we might turn a blind eye to that one,” she told reporters.
“The same thing applies to the two-meter distance rule. Like again, I mean there are very few men — at least very few that I know — that could ‘engage’ with a woman from two meters. Most of them couldn’t manage two-inches never mind two meters.”
‘Masks shouldn’t be a problem’
Ms. O’Driscoll continued: “The wearing of masks thingy should not present a problem, however large cohorts of our members wear masks most of the time anyway — many of them, as you know, are either well-known politicians or TV personalities,” she added to shy smiles of the politicians and journalists present.
Meanwhile in Ireland hopes to publish a full and complete list of dogging sites as soon as they are finalised. Watch this space for confirmation.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
