We all love a good laugh, so here are five of the best Irish jokes that will have you in stitches.
We all know the usual Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman, Paddy Scotsman jokes, of course, but we will have you know that there are many Irish jokes that will have you in fits of laughter, and they don’t feature any of these three lads.
We Irish are known for our sense of humour, being up for the craic, and bringing people together, and what better way to have a social knee’s up than to have a good laugh.
We all know a joke or two revolving around Irish people and the culture of the nation, but some of these you may not have heard of, and believe us, you’ll want to share them with anyone who’ll listen.
5. Doctor’s orders – one of the best Irish jokes
An Irishman goes to the doctor, who, after examining him, says,
“You have some problems with your heart, but if you take these tablets, you will be fine.”
So the doctor gives the man the tablets, and the patient asks,
“Do I have to take them every day?”
“No”, replies the doctor, “take one on Monday, skip the Tuesday, take one on Wednesday, skip the Thursday and so on.”
Two weeks later, the doctor bumps into the patient’s wife and proceeds to ask how her husband is.
“Oh, he died of a heart attack,” she tells him.
“I’m very sorry to hear that,” says the doctor, “I thought if he took those tablets, he would be all right.
“Oh, the tablets were fine. It was all the bloody skipping that killed him!”
4. Irishman in a car park – sending a prayer
One of the best Irish jokes follows a flustered Irishman who wasn’t able to find a parking space in a large mall’s car park.
“Lord,” he prayed, “This is driving me mad. If you open space up for me, I swear I’ll give up drinking my whiskey, and I promise to go to church every Sunday.”
Suddenly, the clouds parted, and the sun shone on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the man said, “Never mind, I found one.”
3. Tiger Woods in Ireland – a golfing legend
One of the best Irish jokes is about golfing legend Tiger Woods.
On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside.
Obviously, the pump attendant knows nothing about golf, greets him in a typical Irish manner, completely unaware of who the golfing pro is.
“Top of the mornin’ to ya, sir,” says the attendant.
Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.
As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.
“What are those?” asks the attendant.
“They’re called tees,” replies Tiger.
“Well, what in the name of God are they for?” asks the Irishman.
“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving,” says Tiger.
“Ah, Jaysus, sure BMW thinks of everything,” replies the confused attendant.
2. Ventriloquist in the pub – we aren’t stupid
A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne’s pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when O’Leary, an irate Irishman, stands up shouting, “You’re making out we’re all dumb and stupid! I oughtta punch you in the nose!”
“I’m sorry, sir, I………..”
“Not you!” says O’Leary, “I’m talking to that little fella on your knee.”
1. Two man team – one of the best Irish jokes of all time
Two Irish lads were working for the city public works department. One would dig a hole, and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working all day furiously without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work but couldn’t understand what they were doing.
So he asked the hole digger, “I’m really impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work, but I don’t get it – why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?”
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, “Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we’re normally a three-person team. But today, the lad who plants the trees called in sick”.
Alas, there we have five of the best Irish jokes out there, but it doesn’t stop at these. There are plenty more to be discovered. For now, keep these in mind, and next time you’re in the pub to get the crowd laughing!
