A score of Australian witnesses have confessed to police that they witnessed first-hand the “complete evaporation” of an extremely pale ginger man, believed to have emigrated to the country from Ireland that very day.
Residents of Sydney were in shock as they processed the event. As news filtered through the national broadcasters, however, it emerged that it was not the first time this has happened.
In this instance, 23-year-old engineer from County Longford, Ireland, named Donal Langon, was exposed to the sun for a number of seconds before disappearing off the face of the earth.
High hopes Down Under
Like many of his fellow compatriots, Langon, who recently graduated from University College, Dublin (UCD) headed to the land Down Under in the hopes of achieving a good job with a substantial better pay than what he would get at home in Ireland.
Langon’s mother, Mary, is reported to have stated that the twenty-three year old was “really looking forward to the warm weather, he just couldn’t wait to see what it was like”.
Langon boarded a plane late last night with three fellow graduates. Meanwhile in Ireland can confirm that neither of them had ginger hair, and that they remain alive and well in Sydney.
Langon eager to face the sun
As Langon and his friends landed in Sydney in the early hours of the morning, the sun was not yet out and darkness still reigned over the city. The quartet decided to check-in to their temporary hotel early before facing the Sydney morning. Cue disaster.
Witnesses from the Sydney Boutique Hotel recalled how Langon, donning his O’Neills shorts and white tank top, skipped eagerly from the hotel’s elevator, past the reception and out to the front door.
As he did so, his friends called in vain to Langon, shouting “Donal, for God’s sake you forgot to put on your sun cream, you’ll burn yourself to death out there! Hurry up and put it on”
Evaporation
Nobody expected what would happen next. As soon as Langan crossed the revolving door that partitioned the inside of the hotel and out, he was no more. People looked in shock and awe as the twenty-three year old went from skipping to vanishing in the space of seconds.
“Jesus, we never thought it was that bad,” admitted one of his friends, Peter (24). “Like I know ginger people burn easy. But come on, like. He disappeared!”
Police were quickly called to the scene but were resolute in the fact that there was “absolutely nothing we could do. What do you want us to do, make a new one of him?”
Not the first time this has happened
Meanwhile in Ireland has since obtained statistics from the Australian Commission for Missing People (ACMP), which show that six people have reportedly vanished on Australian soil. All have been ginger, and all have been Irish immigrants.
The emergence of these statistics has forced the Irish government to issue a declaration that, “for public safety reasons”, all “gingers, for the foreseeable future, are to refrain from travelling to Australia”.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
