Harry and Megan to step back from doing Feck-All

Princess Harry and his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex have announced that they intend to step back from years of doing nothing and in future will devote their time to doing less.

Royal watchers in Britain and other parts of the world which are equally fascinated by the goings-on of the Windsor family were left reeling this week after the announcement.

It is believed that Harry’s Granny was seriously pissed-off when the news was strategically leaked to The Sun Newspaper.

Succession 

Prince Harry is sixth in line in succession to the throne after his father, brother and a couple of nieces and nephews so unless there is an almighty feck-up like his granddad taking the rest of the family out for a Sunday drive it’s unlikely he will ever be crowned King.

Early Retirement

Harry who is thirty-five took early retirement after rising rapidly through the ranks of his granny’s armed forces at the ripe old age of thirty-three after distinguishing himself during the Afghanistan War, a war which was enthusiastically supported by Granny’s government.

Since he took early retirement Harry has distinguished himself as being the foremost royal family member to make heartwarming TV documentaries about himself and his ‘feelings.’

Harry’s wife Megan Duchess of Sussex also excelled at the art of early retirement. She ended her acting career at the grand old age of thirty-six.

Since her marriage to Harry in 2018, Megan has occupied herself by carving out a career of waving at crowds, excepting flowers from children and revealing how she is not sufficiently supported by the House of Windsor, the press and her estranged father.

Harry and Megan have also been extremely busy flying by private jet to exotic locations where they can ski, hunt, sunbathe and lecture on climate change.

A Spokesperson for the Sussexes confirmed the couple’s life-changing decision and said that the couple would endeavour to live a life ‘just like normal people’ do.

“Well at least like normal people who can afford to commute via private jet to homes and castles on both sides of the Atlantic.” The palace spokesperson said.   

Finances

The spokesperson for the Prince and Duchess was at great pains to refer to the couples wish to become financially independent from the Crown’s purse but pointed out that only 5% of their income comes from the Crown — the other 95% comes from the €13 million Harry was left by his mother and the rest from the zillions earned by his Dad’s cash from the Duchy of Cornwall from which the couple will still sponge from.

“Yeah,” the spokesperson confirmed. “Harry and Megan might be a bit on the dumb side but no ones that fecking stupid.”

Living Arrangements 

The Palace spokesperson also confirmed that Harry and Megan hope to live between Canada, America and the UK. “Just like normal newly married couples do.” The spokesman confirmed.

“They hope to ‘cut their cloth to their measure’ and will cut back to three Nannies, four cooks, ten upstairs maids, ten downstairs maids, a few footmen and a couple of butlers, bodyguards, drivers and secretaries.

“It will be tough. But like all newly married couples, they’ll pull through with the help of God.” The spokesperson said. Then added, “Our prayers are with them.”

MeanwhileinIreland would like to take this opportunity on our own behalf and on behalf of our readers to wish the now not so senior royals the best of luck in their new life.

We are also proud of the fact that we managed to write and publish this piece without once referring to Harry’s dodgy Uncle.