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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Homeless people must pay Local Property Tax, Dublin City Council announces
    Craic Satire

    Homeless people must pay Local Property Tax, Dublin City Council announces

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterDecember 20, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
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    Dublin City Council has announced plans to extend the Local Property Tax to the homeless of the city in what is viewed as a controversial and callous post-budget initiative.

    Dublin City Council has narrowly passed a widening of the Local Property Tax band to include those who are officially designated as ‘homeless’.

    The voting breakdown

    Credit: www.geograph.ie

    The motion to widen the tax-band as proposed by Cllr Joe O’Sullivan (FG) was passed when Fine Gael — who holds a majority of the sixty-three council seats – voted in favour of their councillor’s motion.

    Fianna Fail councillors in line with their party’s national policy of a supply and confidence agreement abstained and no members of the Labour Party were present in the Chamber for the vote.

    Fine Gael’s simple reasoning

    According to Councillor O’Sullivan, the reason was “quite simple really. Dublin City Council is spending a significant portion of its budget on cleaning up the mess left by these people who choose to reside in the shop doorways and on the streets of our city centre.

    “Too much of the time of our street cleaning staff is spent on removing cardboard boxes and abandoned damp sleeping bags which are left by these people after sleeping rough for a night,” he told reporters.

    O’Sullivan then added; “This custom of the homeless thinking they can just sleep in any shop doorway they choose is being encouraged by well-meaning but misguided left-wing charity organisations.” 

    ‘Can’t be allowed to continue’

    Credit; Robert Linsdell / Flickr

    “It can’t be allowed to continue — especially in the city centre. It upsets tourists and ordinary Dublin people on their way to work. It’s just not on! Especially in the run-up to Christmas,” he emphatically added as an afterthought.

    “It’s bad enough dealing with the ten-thousand-homeless in the city but more and more of these people are choosing to bring their children with them. It has got to stop. Fine Gael in government has promised to solve the housing crisis and this is a very good start.”

    Fine Gael’s way of solving the housing crisis

    Credit; William Murphy / Flickr

    The councillor continued; “Most law-abiding residents of our city pay property tax. I can not see why those who choose to abandon their homes and occupy prime city centre locations think they can get away without coughing up.

    “The widening of this tax-band to include the ‘so-called’ homeless will hopefully encourage them to move outside the metropolitan area and thus become someone else’s problem.

    “This, of course, will obviously reduce the homeless numbers in the city — which as you will remember was one of our election promises. And you can’t say we as a party ever broke an election promise.”

    The particulars of the new tax

    Credit: www.publicdomainpictures.net

    It is believed that the new tax will be based on a per capita and pro-rata basis on the amount of LPT each homeless person would have paid before being evicted from their homes by banks, vulture funds and rip-off landlords.

    It is also believed that families with more than three children will be entitled to claim an increased tax allowance offset against future earnings, should they ever re-gain employment. 

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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