“I drink eight cans a night but I’m not an alcoholic” claims local alcoholic

A local Limerick man denies accusations that he is an alcoholic and defends himself by claiming he only drinks eight cans of cheap(ish) beer a night.

Timmy Devaney — known in his home town as Timmy the Alco — has taken to social media to deny rumours that he is addicted to alcohol.

In an unprecedented move, Timmy who has never been on social media before setting up a Facebook profile this week to as he put it “defy those nosey bastards who have nothing better to do than slag me off.”

Sees Nothing Wrong

Timmy’s Post reads as follows:

“I sees nathing wong wit downing the few cans of a night. I wish those nosey feckers would lave us alone and be minding thur own fecking business. Wat a man be doing in d comfort of his own gaff be no one’s business but his.” Timmy wrote in his own unique style and using a simplified prose and grammar style.

Timmy (41) left school at the age of eleven to begin a career as a messenger boy with a city-based butcher.

Unfortunately, Timmy was made redundant after three weeks and hasn’t held down meaningful employment since.

Bush-Drinking at Twelve

Timmy who told us that he started bush-drinking at twelve is adamant that he has his alcohol intake under control.

“I doesn’t overdo it,” he said. “I only has the eight cans every night ‘cos ’tis cheaper than going out and wasting your money on fancy food and stuff. I mean, things is tight when you’re on the dole. You needs to watch every penny.”

Doesn’t Keep Alcohol in the House

Timmy also confirmed that he doesn’t keep alcohol in the house — apart that is from what is immediately required.

“No,” he said. “I’m lucky in that I lives very close to Lidl where I can get a nice Perlenbacher Premium Pils for just under three-euro for a six-pack. That’s just about six-quid in new money for the eight cans.” said Timmy who was never great at maths.

“I keeps it at that. There’s no point in going overboard, is there?” He asked. “Dat’s only two units of alcohol a day.” Timmy who was also never good at science told us.

Timmy also admitted to us that the forty-two-euros he spends on beer a week puts a big dent in his dole money. But he manages to scrape by.

“The council pays for me bed-sit so by not spending a fortune on non-essentials like food and clothes, I manages.” He confirmed.

“I leads a simple life,” he said and clarified by describing his daily routine. “I get’s up at around one o’clock.” He told us. “Then I eats a bit of a sandwich or sometimes I has d bit of a leftover pizza from the nite before. I does often take a nap in the afternoon den when I wakes I go up to Lidl and does me shopping.”

“I’m back by five and I has a quick can — just to relieve the stress from d shopping. Jaysus! That Lidl place can be a real nightmare especially with all dem young-wans running around in their fecking pyjamas and their screaming childer.”

Timmy went on to relate how once he pops open the first can he begins to relax and settles in to watch television. The remaining seven cans are timed to last him through to midnight when at that stage he is usually comatose in the chair.

Timmy might wake during the night to relieve himself in the bathroom — sometimes he forgets to wake and suffers the inevitable consequences. However, he still insists that for him alcohol isn’t a problem it’s simply a way of life.

The Meanwhile in Ireland Scientific Team’s research indicates that the recommended maximum alcoholic intake for men is approximately fourteen-units a week. Remember that’s a recommendation not a target!!