‘I’m pretty green’, claims Range Rover driver who lives in 20-bed Mansion with his wife

A fifty-two-year-old Dublin businessman has dismissed as rubbish, claims that he is environmentally unfriendly and is amongst those who leave a huge carbon footprint.

Thomas Douglass of Foxrock South Dublin spoke out in defence of his lifestyle when speaking with friends at Howth Golf Club late last night.

Douglass had been the butt of ‘rather nasty’ comments made by other drinkers at the bar concerning the large SUV which he drives.

“My Range Rover 5.0 V8 is very green.” He told onlookers. “In fact, I waited an extra two weeks for delivery just to get the exact shade of green that the wife wanted.” He explained.

“The salesman chap told us we could have one straight away if we picked another colour but we decided to stick with the traditional Sherwood Forest green.”

Favourite Colour

A bit embarrassed when it was explained to him that “green” actually referred to a car having low emissions and a reduced carbon footprint Douglas went on.

“Oh, you mean all that stuff, what’s her name? Oh yeah the Swedish teen Greta something or other keeps going on about. Yeah I read something about her. Wouldn’t she be better of reading The Famous Five books like the rest of the girls her age?

“Nah I don’t worry about that stuff.” He said nonchalantly. “I mean, me and the missus pay our green-fees here at the club, don’t we? And let me tell you it’s not cheap when added to the cost of having to use two cars to get here if we have different tee-times.

Douglas, who owns a rather large haulage company based in Dublin was adamant that he does as much as humanly possible to cut down his carbon footprint.

Indirectly Saving a Rainforest

“I mean, me and the missus try our hardest to save the planet.” He pontificated to those who were forced to listen to him.

“As you know we live in Foxrock in a small little twenty bedroomed place we bought at a good price. Right so; we employ two Brazilian housekeepers and a gardener who send a bit of cash home each week.

“So in a way aren’t we helping the Brazilian fecking economy maintain their shagging rainforests? Claudia and I are kind-of very proud of that.” He boasted.

“Extinction my arse!”

When asked about the Extinction Rebellion currently taking place worldwide he was typically nonchalant in his reply.

“What extinction?” He asked. “I mean take our eldest lad, Gregory the one that married that Latvian model. Jaysus at the rate they’re producing kids there no chance of extinction. Jaysus they’re at it like shagging rabbits the pair of them.

“Extinction my arse — all his friends are the same, bonking away to their heart’s content. There’s absolutely no chance of extinction especially in South County Dublin.”

After — in his opinion — sufficiently justifying himself Douglass left the bar as he had an early flight to catch in the morning.

Letting the others know that he and Claudia were taking a three-week elephant hunting trip to Kenya. He climbed into his Range Rover V8, pulled out of the disabled person parking spot which is a tad closer to the bar.

And in a cloud of diesel fumes, he drove the half-mile journey to his house. He was closely followed by Claudia who like most nights was driving her own sports-model SUV.