The Middle East was last night looking forward to an era of “peace and stability” after it had emerged that the Iranian government had announced it was “stepping down” from hostilities with the United States (US).
It is believed that the government in Tehran, the Iranian capital, finally buckled to US pressure after President Donald Trump threatened to involve Irish bare-knuckle fighting legend ‘Big Joe Joyce’.
The US-Iran crisis
The crisis between the American and Iranian governments almost came to a head recently when Iran struck several US missiles in retaliation for America’s assassination of Iranian military leader Qassem Soleimaini.
Political commentators were predicting a fatal clash between the two nations, and the Middle Eastern region was bracing itself for yet another period of war and misery. It wasn’t until Trump’s visionary proposals that the regions citizens could rest.
Trump threatens Iran with Joyce
In a move that surprised even Trump’s most ardent of supporters, the US President threatened Iran with the involvement of the Irishman if it didn’t “wise up”. Meanwhile in Ireland was lucky to obtain a screenshot of the tweet before it was shortly deleted by Trump.
“Iran must quickly wise up and step away OR ELSE we will be forced to draft the help and support of BIG JOE JOYCE, the strongest, most lethal weapon in our military. The Iran Government must not take this lightly. That would be bad!”
The response of Tehran
Despite being a country that lies in the heart of the Middle East and has combated some of the world’s most terrorizing groups, such as ISIS, Iran was quick to respond and “cease all military activity excluding that within our own borders”.
“Not a chance are we taking on ‘Big Joe’”, said Iran Supreme Leader Ala Khameni in a televised address to the gripped and anxious nation in the midst of the current crisis.
“For many decades now, our Revolutionary Guard has kept all forms of evil at bay and has combated all forms of aggression. But this, my friends, is a challenge too far, one that threatens the very existence of our nation”.
Big Joe Joyce
Big Joe Joyce is heavily regarded as America’s greatest secret weapon and this is the first time the country has called on his use in a major conflict, prompting questions as to why he hasn’t resolved previous disputes.
Joyce is now a 60-year-old man but has decades worth of brutal, bare-knuckle street fighting, one of the major factors which determined Iran’s total capitulation.
Iran feared that Joyce’s fury would wipe vast swathes of the Iranian infrastructure off the face of the earth, and admitted to media reps that no weapon within their arsenal could combat his knockout power.
What happens next?
It is now believed that the Iranian government holds no animosity towards the United States government, and insist that the killing of Soleimaini was “not that bad anyway, so it wasn’t”.
The Supreme Leader has offered to campaign on behalf of Donald Trump in the upcoming US Presidential elections, while Joyce has returned home quietly, but himself reminded other nations that he could be called upon to attack them at any time.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
