‘Ireland should be a communist state’ claims a pot-smoking student of Dublin

A 31-year-old Dublin student and marijuana smoker has shocked his circle of friends when he proposed that Ireland should abandon its democratic system of government and become a communist state.

The proposal came from Rafter O’Reilly at a late-night house party in Ranelagh, south side Dublin City late last night. 

O’Reilly is a political science student at one of Dublin’s Universities and part-time political activist. O’Reilly has numerous convictions from Dublin Circuit Court for being in procession for the personal use of a class C drug – marijuana.

Speaking slightly louder than the background music playing Bob Marley, O’Reilly put away his can of Pringles to make his proposal.

Speaking to his audience of twelve fellow students he said, “The theory of Communism may be summed up in one sentence: Abolish all private property.” 

Shocked Response

O’Reilly’s proposal elicited a shocked response from his circle of friends — except for fellow student and flatmate, James Walsh who at that moment is reported to have been shifting a trainee nurse from Cork up visiting her sister for the weekend.

O Reilly who would have been a leading anti-water-meter protestor had it not been raining heavily both days in Ranelagh when Irish Water put in the meters went on to say:

“From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs’ —that’s what Ireland needs right now,” quoted O’Reilly, as he took a drag from a joint that was being passed around.

How do you tell a Communist?

At this stage, the trainee nurse from Cork, who had just removed Walsh’s right hand from inside her blouse interjected and said, “How do you tell a Communist? Well, it’s someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It’s someone who understands Marx and Lenin.”

“That simply doesn’t apply in Ireland,” O’Reilly replied engaging the nurse in conversation and thereby ruining Walsh’s plans of slipping away with her to the back bedroom.

O’Reilly, who at this stage— like everyone else at the party was a bit stoned, went on to quote Bertrand Russell, Welsh philosopher and historian and slurred. “Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely, to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.”

After hearing this Walsh who had given up all hope of getting the leg-over that night replied.

“Well, that certainly applies here in Ireland.” He said. “Our fecking politicians are definitely stupid, I’m not sure about the honesty thing though.” He quipped. 

“My Dad is a Fine Gael councillor! I resent that.” The trainee nurse said a bit annoyed and moving as far away from Walsh as the couch would allow.

No chance of the Leg-Over

“Well, feck you!” said Walsh to Rafters “How often do we pull a couple of birds back to the Gaf and you go and start all your political fecking rubbish talk, ruining everyone’s else’s chance of getting the shift.

Jaysus you Muppet. If that’s what communism does you can stick it up your arse. At least with democracy, you’re fairly guaranteed to get the leg-over.”

At this stage, Rafters passed out on the floor and Walsh told the trainee nurse that in fact, he was a card-carrying member of Young Fine Gael after which they kissed, made up and headed for the back bedroom, where it is reported that democracy finally prevailed.