Irishman ‘deeply concerned’ about Australian wildfires due to possible wine shortages

An Irishman who considers himself a wine connoisseur has voiced his deep concerns over the spate of wildfires which are currently raging in Australia.

Clive Smyth-O’Brien (35) came out last night in his local Dublin 4 bistro and announced to a group of fellow wine drinkers that he is “really, really worried about the terrible disaster currently happening in Australia.”

No previous environmental concerns

O’Brien isn’t known for holding major concerns on global issues. He thought the last tsunami was a punk band from the Northside and also believes global warming could take the chill out of the evenings and may not be a bad thing.

Credit: www.wikipedia.org

However, O’Brien has suddenly realised that the Australian fires may cause a world shortage of, as he put it, “simply excellent wines” and has suddenly found himself at the mercy of a global catastrophe.  

Rathmines and District Wine Tasting Club

Clive was attending the weekly get together of the Rathmines and District Wine Tasting Club (RDWTC), formed during the Celtic Tiger Years and managed to survive the recession and continue through to the glorious days of the Fianna Gael led recovery.

Membership is limited to those living in D4, drive BMWs or their equal and if married only have 2.5 children. Pint drinking is automatic grounds for expulsion.

Concerns voiced about wine shortages

Credit: Alex Brown / Flickr

Clive, wearing a blue double-breasted blazer, pink shirt, and matching cravat, stroked his beard as he voiced his concerns. “It’s simply terrible darlings. It’s tragic to think we actually could be facing into a year of fine wine shortages.

“I mean, darlings, you normally think about Africa or the North Pole but you never really expect climate change or that sort of thing in South County Dublin.”

Do we really need Kuala Bears?

“I know thousands of people have lost their homes and some lives are in danger and the wildlife is having a few problems. But what’s a few Kuala bears here and there when you consider the devastation that’s been done to the grapes?

“My biggest fear,” wiping the tears from his eyes, “is that we won’t be able to find a decent Pinot Gris simply anywhere and there’s no way I’m accepting any old French substitute — they just don’t stimulate the palate like a good bottle from the Adelaide Hills.”

Divert resources to threatened vineyards

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“I can understand how the Aussie government needs to be seen to be trying to save property and rescue those who are trapped on the beaches. But surely they could divert some of their resources to protecting the vineyards. After all, the Australians are used to living on beaches.

“Surely they can throw a few more beef burgers on the barbie and open a few more tinnies of Fosters and simply wait it out? It’s not as if they have any homes to go to anymore, is it?” he asked, slightly getting his priorities askew before continuing.

“It’s not as if I have anything against Aussies. In fact that Crocodile Dundee chap was quite fanciful,” Clive, who is considering coming out of the closet, disclosed.

Member of the Month

Credit: Matthias Muehlbradt / Flickr

Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the RDWTC members were so impressed with Clive’s humanitarian instincts that they have voted him Member of the Month. Former recipients include Bob Geldof, Bono and that funny Swedish girl Greta Thunberg.