A County Kerry farmer named Thomas Joseph Murphy (33) of Licknasheen Parish on the Dingle Peninsula has claimed that Jesus appeared to him while he was breakfasting on a bowl of Coco Pops.
“I arrived home the other night after having a few pints in Murty’s Pub. ‘Twas a sort of a late-night so when I go home ’twas about four in the morning so there was no point in going to the bed; but I was fecking starving, so I was.”
Mammy wasn’t home
Tommy Joe went on to describe the events: “The Mammy was staying the night in me Aunty Bridget’s house. Normally if I was late home I’d have Mammy cook me a bit of a fry-up but I haven’t a clue how the fecking frying pan thing works so I figured I could manage a bowl of the auld Coco Pops,” Tommy Joe said.
“All of a sudden I looked deep into the bowl and what was looking back up at me but the face of Jesus. Gave me the fright of me life it did!” Tommy Joe told the now shocked and in awe press corp.
Spiritual support from the local parish
Local Parish Priest Fr Dinny O’Shea PP — who is giving spiritual support to Tommy Joe and other parishioners — also spoke to the press who had gathered in the Kingdom.
“It’s not really an unusual occurrence for Our Lord or his blessed Mother to appear to the faithful. Especially when the world is in a spot of turmoil; and Jaysus what with this sh**e going on with Trump in the Middle-East, we’re definitely in shagging turmoil.”
Fr O’Shea cracks at the media
Fr O’Shea was quick to put a British journalist back in his place after he asked him: “Would it not have been more auspicious if the Son of God had appeared anywhere else other than a bowl of Coco Pops?”
“Listen you foreign gobsh**e,” Fr Dinny screamed. “I’m not sure which lot of non-believers dragged you up but here in Ireland, we have great faith in the Holy Trinity. Why, didn’t St Patrick himself use the three leaves of the blessed shamrock to explain the mystery of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit?” the PP said.
What’s it got to do with Coco Pops?
“But what the hell has that to do with Coco Pops?” the gutter, non-believing Mail on Sunday cheap rag of a journalist asked with a cheeky sort of a grin on his gob.
“Well, aren’t you the silly little man?” the priest retorted. “Shur everyone knows about the Snap, Crackle and Pop in Coco Pops. Shur aren’t they in a way a sort of a Holy Trinity when you sit down and think about it, you stupid Brit,” the priest insulted.
At this stage, the honest and God-fearing Irish journalists applauded and even one photographer from the Catholic News kicked the Brit in the shins, buoyed by the Father’s comments.
Blessed Bowl of Licknasheen
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the Blessed Bowl of Licknasheen — as it is now being called — along with the remains of Tommy Joe’s breakfast are being displayed for public adoration four times daily at Licknasheen church.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.