A fifty-year-old Birmingham man has been revived from a three-year coma and has immediately asked doctors to re-sedate him.
Thomas Lock, who suffered cranial nerve damage after a fall which occurred on 23 June 2016 — the day of the Brexit referendum — left him in an unconscious state, and was resuscitated by doctors in Birmingham yesterday.
On wakening Lock, a qualified cost accountant spent the day in hospital talking to family and friends.
A Full Recovery
Professor Bernard Smyth, a leading consultant neurosurgeon, spoke to reporters at a press conference held at Queen Elizabeth Hospital, Birmingham.
“Using a new regime of drugs, we were successfully able to bring about the recovery of Mr Lock,” the doctor said.
“Everything was going great with Lock’s recovery. He had complete memory recall and recounted how he tripped and fell in the street after voting ‘Leave’ in the Brexit referendum, thus damaging his head and knocking himself unconscious.
“It was wonderful to see his recovery. He spent the day catching up with his wife and family, meeting his newborn grandson for the first time and getting to know his new daughter-in-law. He really was delighted,” Dr Smyth explained.
Everything going well until he read the paper
“Everything was going great — that is, until some fool left a copy of The Sun on his bedside locker and Lock glanced at it,” the doctor went on. “Oh my Sweet Jaysus” Lock is said to have exclaimed — “Brexit can’t seriously still be going on?” he asked.
“At this stage,” Dr Smyth told reporters, “we noticed a sharp rise in the patient’s electrical nerve impulses along with a dramatic increase in blood pressure.
“Seriously all those fancy machine thingies that you see in hospitals — sorry I forget what they’re called — you know the ones that go ‘Beep’ and have the fancy looking screens?
“Well, they were simply going bananas with alarms sounding and lights flashing. Jaysus it scared the life out of me,” the Doctor and Professor of Neurology confessed.
Prognoses
“We couldn’t understand what was going on until Lock told us after he had calmed down,” Smyth said.
“Like, in all fairness to him, he had had his fill of Brexit during the run-up to the referendum. What, with listening to David Cameron drone on and on and Boris Johnson running around the country preaching from the back of a bloody great bus. Like, the poor man didn’t even know who Teresa May was.
“Now he wakes up to discover she’s been and gone as Prime Minister. Johnson has pulled more strokes with the Queen than her bloody corgis and now he’s running Britain.
“Seriously, it’s a lot to take in, especially since it never looks like ending. Anyway, he’s so fed up with the situation; he simply wants to go back to sleep for another three or four years and, to be honest, can you blame him?” the doctor asked.
The Meanwhile in Ireland Medical and Political Desk understands that Lock will be placed in an induced coma for five years just in case Brexit drags on.
We also understand that thousands of similar applications have been received from people all over Britain to be comatose while the election and Brexit negotiations are ongoing.
Disclaimer
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