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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » ‘I love them 15 years and full of coke’: Prince Andrew on favourite whiskey
    Craic Satire

    ‘I love them 15 years and full of coke’: Prince Andrew on favourite whiskey

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterFebruary 28, 2020No Comments3 Mins Read
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    Following a grouse shooting event held near Balmoral Castle, Prince Andrew has announced that he “loves them fifteen-years of age and full of Coke.” It is believed – and sincerely hoped – that the Prince was referring to blended whiskey. 

    The Prince has recently been embroiled in the Jeffrey Epstein child sex trafficking scandal and in November 2019 took part in a BBC Newsnight interview which was widely considered as a PR disaster.

    PR master-stroke

    Image result for scotch whiskey

    Palace sources are, however, hailing the prince’s comments as a public relations masterstroke. “His Highness has, by making this statement, shown that he is ‘in touch’ with the ‘ordinary man’ and like the ‘ordinary man in the street’ appreciates the occasional fifteen-year-old blended Scotch Whiskey.” 

    Ms. Gloria Smyth-Crawford-Jones, the Prince’s new Public Relations advisor explained: “While HRH admits that the BBC interview may have been a bit of a disaster, he is keen to be seen as a man of the people. We intend to portray the Prince in this light going forward.”

    It is believed that HRH the Prince hopes that in light of, as he put it, “Ginger and Meg shagging off to the colonies,” he might “pick up a few extra gigs and public event thingies from Mummy.”

    Just an ordinary bloke

    Image result for grouse hunting
    Grouse Hunting. Credit: USFWS Midwest Region / Flickr

    Ms. Smyth-Crawford-Jones went on to say: “We want HRH to come across as just an ordinary bloke. One of the lads who does what ordinary folk do; like Grouse Hunting, Polo and of course taking time-out to visit friends on exotic private Caribbean islands — just the simple day to day activities of the man in the street.”

    The Prince’s newly appointed PR Guru elaborated on what she sees as the new royal role for the Prince. “Prince Andrew is and always will be HM the Queen’s favourite son, which sort of begs the question – What have the other two been up to? And the Queen is anxious that Andrew resumes his full royal-duties as soon as possible.”

    Just getting directions

    Image result for epstein island
    Little St James Island. Credit: Navin 75 / Flickr

    One member of the press dared to ask a question. “Lets put it as kindly as we can but, wasn’t the Prince fairly stupid to visit the New York townhouse of convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein? How can he be trusted to carry out royal duties?” 

    “No, you silly little man,” Smyth-Crawford-Jones answered. “The Prince only visited Jeffrey’s house to ask for directions as to how to get away from there so as he wouldn’t need to return. It’s quite simple really,” she added.

    “The Prince wanted to tell Epstein that he wouldn’t be seeing him again but while he was telling him that he wouldn’t be seeing him he was seeing him. And additionally, there is an absolutely fabulous Pizza Express just down the road and HRH is quite partial to Pizza,” she concluded.   

    Prince to resume full royal duties 

    Image result for prince andrew
    Prince Andrew conducting his Royal Duties. Credit: commons.wikimedia.org

    Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the Prince will resume his full list of Royal Duties as soon as Ginger and Meg are settled in Canada. A provisional list of events that HRH will attend has been issued. 

    These include the presentation of awards to the winners of the under eighteen girl’s beach volleyball championships and, in what is seen as an attempt to foster Anglo-Irish relations, the Prince will attend the youth Irish dancing festival finals.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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