Shocking evidence has emerged which shows an Irishman, who swore blind he was off the drink, was out enjoying himself and drinking pints.
Sligo Town was thrown into an air of shock and disbelief over the weekend as news broke that Jimmy O’Shea (41) of Riordan’s Villas in the town wasn’t actually off the drink as he had claimed.
O’Shea had promised his wife, parents, children and friends that he would remain off the drink for the month but is alleged to have broken his solemn promise and gone out drinking pints.
“He thought he’d get away with it, the stupid idiot,” was the honest reaction of Cllr. Timmy Dooley, the Mayor of Sligo, while speaking at a specially convened meeting of the Sligo County Council to discuss the breach of faith.
“He led us all up the garden path, so he did,” the Mayor continued. “Everyone believed him, so we did when he said ‘that’s it no more drink for me for a month,’” said the obviously distraught Mayor.
“I mean, if you can’t believe a Sligo man when he promises to stay off the drink for a month, well, who can you believe?” the Mayor asked.
Spotted by neighbour
The news that O’Shea was still drinking broke after his neighbour Mrs Agnes Murphy spotted O’Shea on Friday sipping a pint in a town centre pub at around five in the afternoon.
“I just dropped into the pub for a cup of tea on my way home from the shops,” Mrs Murphy told the Sligo Herald. “There he was, wearing a false beard and sunglasses and trying to hide behind a newspaper. Off the drink, my arse,” she exclaimed.
She continued; “He had a big creamy pint of Guinness in front of him. Jaysus, he nearly spilt it all over himself when he saw me — serves him right if he drowned in it,” she finished.
In his defence
In an effort to defend himself, O’Shea, who is now being shunned by his friends, family and the entire town, gave an exclusive interview to the Sligo Herald.
“I was just on me way home from work,” he said, “when a terrible thirst came over me — I swear I hadn’t had a pint for twenty-days,” a tearful O’Shea confessed.
“Jaysus I thought, shur one pint won’t kill me. So I nipped into the Chinese shop next door, bought the false beard and sunglasses then into the pub for just the one Guinness and a quiet read of the paper.
“Ah, Jaysus I nearly died when the nosey b***h came in. Shur, she’s the biggest gossip in Sligo,” O’Shea lamented.
From bad to worse
“Things have gone from bad to worse.” O’Shea continued. “Now, no one is talking to me, not even the wife or the kids. Me mother wants me to go on live TV and seek the public’s forgiveness.
“I have even been distanced from all the charity organisations that I was involved with. Jaysus! I’m a fecking outcast,” O’Shea rued.
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the now-publicly shunned outcast O’Shea is to move to Galway where, to be honest, nobody gives a damn.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.