Heir to the British Throne Prince William along with his wife Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge, has been barred from the notorious Dublin night club Copper Face Jacks.
The recent Royal visit to Ireland has ended in what can only be described as a public relations disaster as Prince William and Princess Kate were forcefully ejected from the late night club on Dublin’s Harcourt Street.
Diplomats on both sides of the Irish Sea were today frantically engaged in damage limitation exercises. The incident came at the end of what was generally thought to have been a successful Royal visit.
It’s Ireland’s fault
A Buckingham Palace spokesperson, in the usual British fashion, tried to blame the Irish authorities. “Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth is, to put it mildly, not very amused. It’s the fault of the Paddy Authorities.
“The Royal Couple were only in Ireland for a day or two but all the organised visits involved alcohol. Every time the Queen switched on the TV all she could see were William and Kate knocking back pints.
Pints were too dear for the Royals
“First they were at the Guinness Storehouse where they had a few. Then they went on to Temple Fecking Bar that sh**hole and had more pints and then on to some shagging pub in Galway for again more pints.
“What really got the Queen pissed-off was Temple Bar and the price of a pint there. It’s not as if the Royals are made of shagging money. Fair enough if they got a few cans and sneaked them back to the hotel, but no they’re too shagging posh for that,” the palace spokesperson said.
Mad stag party
“Apparently when the Prince and Kate got back to Dublin they were a bit pissed but it was still too early to go to bed. Suddenly Kate remembered she had left her mobile down in the pub, so they gave their minders, who were also a bit under the influence, the slip and snuck off back downtown.
“Then William and Kate got caught up in a mad stag party and were having the craic, you know, taking selfies and singing rebel songs when some arse-hole had the bright idea of going to Coppers, so off they trotted.”
Do you want pictures of my Granny?
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that everything was going grand in Coppers until William, who was seriously ‘out of it’ at this stage, decided to stuff a few twenty-pound notes down some woman’s blouse saying “Do you want a few pictures of me, Granny?”
That was grand until your-wan’s boyfriend got the hump with William and ‘stuck the head’ on him. At this stage, Kate gave your-man a dig with her handbag and pretty soon the bouncers threw the four of them out on the street.
It has also been widely reported that William puked his guts up on Harcourt Street but, as the palace Spokesperson said, “Shur that could just have been the dodgy burger he had,” wilfully ignoring the copious amount of drink the Prince consumed.
Irish Embassy response
The Irish Embassy in London only made one comment to the press; “For feck-sake lads, shur didn’t they have the craic? In our opinion, the visit was a great success altogether, so it was.” Ah well, sure what more do you want?
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.