Meanwhile in Ireland

    SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER!

    What's Hot

    Sheamus’s QUEST for Grand Slam GLORY at WrestleMania 39

    March 31, 2023

    Just who is IRISH WWE superstar FINN BÁLOR?

    March 30, 2023

    Top 5 ESSENTIALS you need for moving to IRELAND

    March 29, 2023
    Facebook Twitter Instagram
    Meanwhile in Ireland
    • Home
    • News
    • Craic
    • Sports
    • More
      • Culture
      • Dublin
      • Funny
      • Irish People
      • Interesting News
      • Satire
      • The Drink!
      • Travel
      • TV and Movies
      • Viral
    • Shop
    Facebook YouTube Instagram TikTok
    Meanwhile in Ireland
    You are at:Home » News » Satire » Ryanair introduces charges for wheelchairs weighing over 10kg
    Satire

    Ryanair introduces charges for wheelchairs weighing over 10kg

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterJune 27, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
    Facebook Twitter WhatsApp Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Share:
    Facebook Twitter WhatsApp Pinterest Email

    The budget airline Ryanair shocked the aviation and travel industry today when it announced the introduction of charges for customers using wheelchairs.

    The move is designed to save the airline costs and increase profitability.

    Company spokesperson Orla O’Liodan spoke at a press conference at Dublin Airport today and told reporters. “This is designed to fit into our new Fast Turn Around protocols,” she said, then continued.

    “We are targeting a sixty-second turn around for all aircraft embarkation and disembarkations. That’s thirty-seconds for passengers to get off the plane and further thirty-seconds for new passengers to get on. If they can’t achieve that — well that’s it, we’ll leave without them.”

    ‘Not a Charity‘

    “However,” she continued, “we realise that wheelchair passengers may take that little bit longer to board so we are allowing them a minute and a half. But they have to pay that bit extra for the privilege. It’s only fair! After all, we are not a charity you know?”

    It is believed that the new ‘Speedy Boarding’ will involve passengers booking their own tickets, handling their own check-in and then queuing up to race to the plane as soon as it touches down.

    Passengers will also be asked to clean the aircraft prior to landing at their destination.

    A Pittance

    M/s O’Liodan also referred to wheelchairs weighing over 10kg.

    “If passengers choose to use a wheelchair and of course, that is strictly up to them but they should be aware that anything over 10kg results in an increased cost to the Airline of .00005 cents per passenger.

    “And as I said we are definitely not a charity.”

     Ryanair also intends to introduce a surcharge for passengers who don’t buy the Ryanair onboard pre-packed sandwiches.

    “We go to the trouble of preparing them; it’s only fair that passengers buy them.” M/s O’Liodan explained, then concluded, “We’re not a charity you know,” again.

    Flight magazine journalist and travel writer Sam Steinbridge commented. “Personally I think it’s a great idea. I mean everybody laughed when they introduced the coin-operated oxygen masks and the whole one-man flight crew idea. But in fairness to Ryanair, it did increase profit margins. They are not a charity you know!”

    Market Reaction

    Ryanair share prices on both the London and Dublin stock exchanges rose significantly today as both markets reacted to the news.

    In scenes reminiscent of last months announcement that the airline had negotiated a twenty-four-hour shift cycle with its pilots millions were added to the already massive fortunes of the Ryan family and the company CEO Michael O’Leary.

    CEO Michael O’Leary was not at the main press conference but did appear at the end to pose for photographs holding the usual blow-up Ryanair model planes.

    He also took time out to make disparaging remarks about the British and Irish governments, Brexit, the Aviation Authority, the Pope, RTE, trade unions and the Irish weather.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.

    Share. Facebook Twitter WhatsApp Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Avatar photo
    Gerald Leinster
    • Website

    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

    Related Posts

    Top 10 DECEITFUL things airlines do get your MONEY

    By Jade PoleonMarch 23, 2023

    The 10 FRIENDLIEST places in Ireland with the NICEST people

    By Jade PoleonMarch 14, 2023

    10 reasons why Belfast International Airport is f**king s**t

    By Stevie HaugheyFebruary 9, 2023

    10 reasons why VEGANS are BETTER than meat-eating SCUM

    By Jade PoleonJanuary 30, 2023
    Latest Articles

    Sheamus’s QUEST for Grand Slam GLORY at WrestleMania 39

    March 31, 2023

    Just who is IRISH WWE superstar FINN BÁLOR?

    March 30, 2023

    Top 5 ESSENTIALS you need for moving to IRELAND

    March 29, 2023

    Top 10 Irish celebrity DRINK brands you NEED to try

    March 29, 2023
    Stay In Touch
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • TikTok
    Don't Miss

    Why are Ireland not playing the upcoming Qatar World Cup?

    By Meanwhile in IrelandOctober 21, 2022

    The Qatar World Cup is fast on the approach. But Irish fans have been left…

    “Wildfires worst thing to happen since Irish Culchie Invasion” says Aussie PM

    January 24, 2020

    Chancing your arm: The strange meaning and history behind the saying

    May 9, 2022

    The top 10 best Irish alcoholic drinks ever, RANKED

    July 2, 2020

    Subscribe to our Newsletter!

    We specialise in Bizarre Irish News, Viral Videos and general Irish Craic.

    • Home
    • About us
    • Contact us
    • Guests Posts
    • Team
    • Work for us
    • Terms of use
    • Privacy policy
    • Disclaimer
    • Copyright
    • Shop
    Follow us

    Connect with us on your favourite social media app.

    Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube TikTok
    Contact us

    19 Arthur St, Belfast, Northern Ireland, BT1 4GA.

    [email protected]

    Subscribe to our Newsletter!

    ©Copyright 2019 - Meanwhile in Ireland | Trading under Emerald Green Media

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.