Screaming mother ruptures family’s ears after finding immersion left on

A County Kilkenny family are being treated in hospital for injuries received during what gardaí are calling a domestic incident. Four teenage siblings of the Fahy family, who were rushed to the Casaulty Unit of Kilkenny Hospital last Friday night are believed to all suffering from burst eardrums.

Doctors say that the four teenagers, three girls and one boy have since been moved to intensive care and are responding well to treatment. Gardaí are presently conducting ongoing enquires and a file may be sent to the Director of Public Prosecutions.

Worst case of hearing damage in years

Dr Miley O’Shea, a consultant otolaryngologist, told reporters that the teenagers may have been subjected to an extreme source of high-pitched noise. “It’s probably the worst case of hearing damage I’ve come across in all my years as an ear specialist, ” The doctor told reporters. 

“It’s like the kind of damage you’d expect if you stood right behind a jet aeroplane at take-off,” she elaborated then added: “We’re just trying to get to grips as to how the four teenagers were subjected to such a loud noise as to render them immediately deaf.”

“You’d expect that kind of injury to only happen to them lads that work on the decks of those American aircraft carrier things. But never in what is supposed to be a quiet suburban house in Kilkenny,” a perplexed doctor told the press.

Rumours of an immersion

However, rumours have been circulating around Kilkenny that the injuries may have been caused when one of the teenagers possibly and inadvertently left the immersion on overnight.

The rumours began when Mrs Brid O’Sullivan, who lives three miles from the Fahy’s house, came forward and said. “I decided to do me public duty and come forward with what little information I have,” she said, admirably. 

“I was sitting at home on Friday night last, just having a cup of tea and watching the TV when I heard what can only be described as a loud high pitched noise. ‘Twas like a jet plane fair enough,” she said, agreeing with the doctor. 

Commotion ensued

“I could only make out some intelligible words, so I could. I heard phrases like ‘Which one of you little feckers left the shagging immersion on all night?’ and ‘I’ll kill the fecking lot of you, how many times have I told you not to leave the immersion on’. 

“The noise was so loud it was hard to make out the exact words but I discovered that if I put a cushion over me head I could get the gist of it,” Mrs O’Sullivan explained, as some really serious investigative journalist down from Dublin revealed that he had also heard similar rumours. 

He explained that locals in the Fahy area were complaining about structural damage to their homes occurring around the same time as the loud noise was reported. It appears that windows throughout the estate were broken and car alarms had been inexplicably activated.

Garda preparing Armed Response

As reported, Gardaí are investigating the reports that Mrs Fahy may be guilty of losing the cool altogether and roaring at her children. As we go to press a Garda spokesperson admitted that the area Armed Response Unit team are preparing to approach the house.