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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » The Dáil bars pint prices to half as politicians struggle with soaring living crisis
    Craic Funny Satire

    The Dáil bars pint prices to half as politicians struggle with soaring living crisis

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterApril 26, 2022No Comments4 Mins Read
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    The Dáil bars pint prices to half in an undivided party decision as politicians struggle to cope with the rising cost of living crisis.

    There was unanimous cross-party support yesterday to drastically reduce the cost of alcohol in the Dáil Bar. Cuts of 50% on alcohol prices and services are being introduced to help counter the rising cost of living crisis, which is affecting TDs.

    The price reductions were proposed by the Ceann Comhairle, who chairs the Dáil’s Committee on Parliamentary Privileges and Oversight. The Committee manages the Dáil Bar.

    Impact on TDs – keeping up with two households

    The Dáil bars pint prices to half.
    Credit: pixabay.com

    Speaking to reporters outside Leinster House after the announcement that Dáil bar’s pint prices are to half, Ceann Comhairle, Timmy O’Shea said, “Not only is the spiralling cost of living impacting on the ordinary tax-paying man in the street, but it’s also having a devastating effect on TDs and Senators.

    “As a committee, we have an obligation, which is enshrined in the Constitution; to protect the health and well-being of elected representatives, and we take that very seriously,” O’Shea said.

    “The ordinary Joe Soap in the street doesn’t appreciate the difficulties facing their representatives in the Dáil. It’s not easy, you know, having to maintain a house in your constituency and one in Dublin.

    “Think about it. That means two housekeepers, two gardeners, and two au pairs. In fact, you’re doubling up on shagging everything, so you are,” the Ceann Comhairle adds with sincerity.

    Fact Check – pint prices down to €1.50

    Pints down to half the price.

    Using The Freedom of Information Act, MeanwhileinIreland’s fact-checking team carried out a survey into Dáil Bar prices. The team found that the price reductions would bring the price of a pint down to €1.50. That of a three-course gourmet meal would be down to €4.00.

    We also discovered that some TD‘s run up bar bills of up to €20,000. It’s estimated that if all unpaid bar bills – some going back years – were honoured, the National Exchequer could pay for the construction of a small hospital in the Midlands. 

    When the survey findings were put to the Ceann Comhairle, he replied, “I’m glad you asked me that”. This is the standard response for a politician under pressure.

    “Our elected members have enough to be worrying about, what with the Covid thing and this shite out in Ukraine. Shur, you can’t have them worried about the price of a few pints or a bit of grub in the Dáil Bar. It would be bad for their mental health, so it would.”

    O’Shea, who had obviously partaken in a few pints himself, said, “Anyway, as the Dáil Bar is only open to elected representatives, it’s the only place the lads can avoid the eejits that voted for them in the first place.”

    A few jars for the Ceann Comhairle − not so steady on his feet

    The Dáil bars pint prices to half to help politicians cope.
    Credit: Pixabay.com

    O’Shea, who by this stage was swigging out of a can of Bulmers (which was not so discreetly handed to him by an aide) and having difficulty staying on his feet, explains further. He spoke more on the fact that the Dáil bars pint prices to half going forward.

    “The price cuts have been a plan for months now, but to be honest, we couldn’t find a TD brave enough to propose them. The little feckers were all afraid of the public outcry that might follow. Jaysus, most of them are afraid of losing their seat to Sinn Fein, so they are.”

    Ceann Comhairle, the hero − the man who made the call for the Dáil bars pint prices to half

    Ceann Comhairle stepped up.

    “That’s why I stepped up to the mark and proposed the cuts. As Ceann Comhairle, I gets meself elected automatically, so I does.

    “It don’t matter to me what the shagging voter thinks,” a now seriously drunk O’Shea slurs as he is helped away by his aide, singing ‘Come Out You Black and Tans’.

    No serious politician was available for comment on the fact that the Dáil bars pint prices to half. They were all too busy downing pints in the bar as the Green Party TDs cycled home.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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