The Australian Prime Minister has been criticised in the global media for disparaging remarks he made last week concerning Irish people living in Australia.
Scott Morrison, the Sydney-born Liberal Party leader who has been Australia’s PM since August 2018, came under attack when he is reported as saying that “these wildfires are the worst disaster facing Australia since the mass influx of Irish culchies during the nineties.”
As much use as a dead bomeroo
Speaking at a press conference, the fifty-one-year-old said; “I stand over my remarks. I may have had a few tins of Fosters down me but the Irish who came over during the nineties are about as much use to this great nation as a dead boomeroo.”
A boomeroo is a Kangaroo crossed with a boomerang which, when thrown, sort of hops away then comes back. “You all know how much use a dead boomeroo is —feck-all,” the PM said as he swigged from a can of beer.
“Convicts the lot of them”
“Fecking convicts the lot of them,” Morrison said, who was wearing cut off denims, a sleeveless t-shirt and a silly hat with a whole pile of corks tied around it said.
“Seriously mates, they’re a load of fecking failed potato farmers who were caught stealing Trevelyan’s corn and got themselves shipped to Botany Bay, so they did,” the Prime Minister, who was never any good at history, said.
“Now they come over here and drink our glorious beer and steal our sheilas, so they do,” he continued as he popped the lid on another can and drank it in one gulp.
What about your grandfather?
One brave reporter asked the PM could his ancestors not be traced back to the first convict ships, which Morrison happily admitted was indeed the case.
“But my great-great-something grandfather who landed here in 1778 came from England so he was a decent class of a convict, not one of them Paddy rebels what was sent here ‘cos they upset the Crown, so they did.”
Nothing good to say about them
Another brave reporter asked the Prime Minister had he anything good to say about Irish emigrants to Australia. Morrison replied with one-word; “No!”
“Seriously mates I’ve heard tell of a Paddy who lost ten dollars on the Melbourne Cup and then lost twenty on the action replay. Most if not all of them Paddy Culchies are a few stubbies short of a six-pack.”
The Prime Minister at this stage belched and popped open another tinny and after wiping his nose with the back of his hand continued to speak to the assembled press corps.
“Yeah alright mates, you do have the odd Paddy who’s a doctor or engineer but like seriously cobbers, you’ll never find a Paddy who’s any use at crocodile wrestling or sheep shearing, only good for sheila-shagging the whole bloody lot of them.”
One eye on the next election
When it was pointed out to the Prime Minister that the Australian census of 2011 showed that about two million people, roughly 10%, of the Australian population claimed Irish descent and most were active voters he sort of changed his tune a bit.
“Well, I suppose they can’t be all that bad. Personally, I think they should be welcomed to our shores with open arms and I hope they’ll remember me at the next election.”
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