Father Ted to be removed from the air after offending church-goers

The European Broadcasting Commission has ruled that all existing episodes of the Irish sitcom Father Ted are to be removed and subsequently banned from all broadcasting platforms.

The ruling comes after a significant protest was lodged with the Commission by the Ballynahora branch of Ireland’s Legion of Saint Bridget on the grounds that the popular sitcom caused deep and grievous offence to their members.

Unanimous ruling by the Commission

It is believed that the Commission’s Complaints subcommittee meet in plenary session today and the decision was unanimous. The ban is to have immediate effect, the Commission confirmed.

It is also expected that, due to the significant public outcry, social media outlets will also block the Father Ted episodes from their platforms.

Ruling followed a ten-year investigation

Speaking to members of the press after today’s announcement the European Broadcasting Chairman Mr Claude Defaux said; “I am absolutely delighted with the decision by the Complaints Subcommittee.

“This complaint has been under investigation over the past ten-years ever since the five named ladies of the Ballynahora Legion of Saint Bridget first lodged their objections.”

It is understood that the five named middle-aged women are all members of the Ballynahora Legion of Saint Bridget, a right-wing Catholic prayer group and cake-sale organisation based in West Kerry.

Leaked copy of the ruling

While the exact nature of their objections remains confidential a leaked copy of the original letter of objection has come into the hands of some media outlets.

Objections to the sitcom are said to include the total disregard for the average and devout West Kerry Mass goer. Particular attention was drawn to the foul language and blatant sexism of Father Jack.

Criticism was made of the the dubious fiscal practices of Father Ted and the obvious lack of theological knowledge of Father Dougal, while attention was also drawn to the extreme violence of Ted in the “kicking Bishop Brennan in the arse” scene.

Complaints were also lodged regarding the derogatory portrayal of Irish priest’s housekeepers — three of the five objectors work as housekeepers for their local priests and the other two are said to “look after the flowers” in the village church.

Boot-legged copies of Father Ted now available

In related news; associated press agencies are reporting that boot-legged copies of the complete Father Ted box-sets have become available on the Dark-Web with some copies retailing for hundreds of Euros.

European police and customs agencies have been ordered to be particularly conscious of truckloads of black-market DVDs being smuggled into member states from North Africa where the ban will not apply.

German Border Police have reported seizing a truck full of illegal immigrants, four million — street value — of cocaine and fourteen Glock semi-automatic guns along with twelve boot-legged copies of Are You Right There Father Ted en route for England. The DVDs were destroyed.   

Ballynahora legion to celebrate

Meanwhile in Ireland has learned that the five members of the Ballynahora legion are to hold a celebratory session of the rosary tonight in the car park opposite Murphy’s pub in Ballynahora. All are invited subject to the new-normal social distancing regulations.