Top 10 SMICK NAMES for your NEWBORN

Did your name make the list?

In Belfast, smick is a slang word to describe anyone who is chavvy, scummy, or an all-out skanger. Whatever term you want to use to describe them, it’s generally those tracksuit-wearing louts who live their lives with little to no morals.

But how does one become smick in the first place? Well, it always starts with the name, without question. So, if you want to lead your child down that path, here are ten smick names for your newborn.

10. Jade – beware anyone called Jade

Jade instantly brings visions of Madonna piercings and hoop earrings so big you could fit your head through them.

A baby called Jade will grow up as a local menace, hanging around outside petrol stations, accosting people to buy her smokes. She’ll be able to make grown men cry from an early age.

9. Tyler – a pure common name

Tyler is a basic name these days. You’ll meet multiple Tyler’s in a classroom because smick parents think it’s ‘different’. But let us tell you something: it’s not.

Tyler will grow up to be a bully because he’s ultimately feeling vulnerable due to the fact that he’s not that special.

8. Lily-Mae – or any double-barrel first name

How about not one but two smick names for your newborn? It can be guaranteed that any child with a double-barrel first name will become a complete terror as they age.

We can see teenage Lily-Mae constantly being listed as a missing person on her parent’s Facebook statuses, only to show up days later after a wild session. Lily-Mae only cares about herself.

7. Liamo – or any name ending with ‘o’

There’s something about adding an ‘o’ to the end of any standard name that makes it extra scauldy. Liamo is an all-out lad, one who you’ll want your daughters to steer clear of at the teen disco. Liamo will probably have two kids from two different mams before he’s even 18.

6. Derek – an absolute monster

Teachers cower in fear when they see Derek on their roll call at the start of the school year. With any Derek comes the idea that they are the most competent person in the room when they are just the most considerable pain in the hole, ready to make a nuisance of themselves.

5. Nicola – always looking for trouble

Nicola is one of the top smick names for your newborn. Baby Nicola will do her best to manipulate all situations to have the upper hand.

She’s likely to exchange sexual favours in exchange for a Chinese takeaway, so be mindful of this name if you select it; you’ll have your work cut out for you.

4. Chanel – she’s not going to be as posh as her namesake

Don’t you dare try to name your child Chanel; it’s just tasteless. Do you even own any Chanel products? We bet you don’t.

Chanel will grow up to be a massive disappointment because she’s not the designer product you hoped she would be. We can imagine the smick velour tracksuits already. Steer clear of any Chanels you come across.

3. MacKenzie – one of the most smicked out names for your newborn

We understand; you think you’re unique in calling your child MacKenzie. But you’re not. With “mac” translating to ‘son’ in Irish, you’re basically calling your daughter ‘son of Kenzie’.

So don’t you dare sound surprised when she grows up to be a chav. You’ve made your own bed to lie in.

2. Jordan – bonus smick points if it’s for a girl

A male Jordan will be smick, but the smick points will be off the scale if you call your daughter Jordan. So off the scale that there is no longer a scale. The scale is broken.

Jordan will grow up to be the most peroxide blonde hair extension-wearing chavette you’ll ever meet.

1. Daenerys – or anything Game of Thrones or television related

Why do people name their children after their current favourite TV series? In recent years, we’ve encountered children named Daenerys, Aria, and even Khaleesi from Game of Thrones.

These children are going to grow up to be estranged from their parents because these names are just child abuse, end of. Is there anything to be said for a nice Biblical name like Mary or Joseph?