Have you got that special Irish person in your life who just seems to apologise for their mere existence at every turn?
If apologising unnecessarily were an Olympic sport, Ireland would be taking home gold, silver, bronze, and probably apologising to the other countries for showing off.
We’re just too good at being polite. Bump into someone on the street? Sorry. Telling a waiter they got your order wrong? Sorry. Someone else stands on your foot? Sorry about that.
To outsiders, it can look like chronic guilt or low self-esteem. Ask Irish people themselves, and they’ll tell you it’s not about blame at all, it’s about politeness, not making a fuss, and a healthy dose of Irish independence. Some might not even realise they’re doing it at all!
When is sorry not sorry? – Irishness over necessity
We’re a feisty bunch here in Ireland, and we don’t like being overly direct, much to the chagrin of more straightforward cultures that choose to subject themselves to an Irish mate or significant other.
We often use “sorry” less as an apology and more as a social lubricant. It’s a way of smoothing interactions and keeping things moving without drama. Linguists and observant visitors have pointed out that phrases like “sorry”, “sound”, “grand”, and the ever-present “Awk, well, sure y’know how it is”, do a lot to mitigate tension and keep things surface-level. We’re not overly fond of displaying emotions here.
Where an American might say “excuse me,” we think that’s a little, shall we say, direct coming from us. Even something as simple as “pardon me” can come across as dismissive or confrontational… fighting words. So we opt for the hard-to-misinterpret “sorry”.
The nail that sticks out gets hammered – shying away from the spotlight
One of the biggest reasons we Irish apologise so much is a deep-rooted aversion to causing trouble. Standing out, demanding attention, or creating awkwardness is generally frowned upon. Keeping things light, calm, and conflict-free is the preferred approach.
You might hear someone is getting “too big for their boots” because of a presumed transgression. Apologising becomes a pre-emptive strike against that tension. By saying sorry first, you’re signalling that you’re not here to argue, complain, or get a big ould spud head. You’re just living your best.
This also explains why Irish people often apologise even when they’re clearly in the right. It’s not about conceding, it’s about ending the interaction as quickly and smoothly as possible before the awkwardness of small talk ends and feelings begin. In short, you might say it’s the conversational equivalent of an “Irish goodbye”.
Fiercely independent, vanishingly polite – a buffer
Ireland also has a strong culture of independence. Asking for help can feel uncomfortable, even when it’s necessary. Whether it’s borrowing something, asking for directions, or requesting assistance at work, many people instinctively apologise for needing anything at all.
In that context, “sorry” acts as a buffer. It softens the request and reassures the other person that you’re not taking advantage of them. It’s a way of saying, “I wouldn’t ask unless I really had to”.
Ironically, this means Irish people can come across as overly apologetic while secretly resenting the fact that they have to rely on another person. It’s just how we are.
Historical baggage – not in the way you’d think
Some people link Ireland’s apologetic tendencies to its history of colonisation, famine, and being portrayed negatively by Britain in the past.
While it’s probably an oversimplification to draw a straight line between historical trauma and saying “sorry” when someone bumps into you, it’s fair to say that Irish culture developed under long periods where keeping your head down was often the safest option. Anyone on the “wrong” side of town can tell you that keeping your mouth shut was the key to survival, literally at times.
Subtlety, diplomacy, and indirect communication then became social strengths. Rather than confrontation, humour, and politeness were used to navigate tense situations. Apologising fits neatly into that tradition. The Irish have been levelling their social strata for ages.
The bus test – where you’ll hear “sorry” on repeat
If you really want to understand Irish apologising, take a bus. Someone tries to squeeze past? Sorry. The driver brakes suddenly, causing another passenger to bump into you – sorry. The bus is full, and you’re standing in the aisle apologising to everyone you accidentally make eye contact with? Extremely sorry!
Actually, anyone making eye contact on a bus should say sorry. That’s not on! None of these apologies are necessary; they’re a reflex. They’re part of the rhythm of daily life. A way of saying “I know you didn’t mean to step on my foot. You know you didn’t mean to step on my foot. Let’s move past it”.
If there is no “sorry” to be found in a situation like that? Well, let’s just hope you’re not on a bus when that happens. At the end of the day, Irish people don’t apologise because they’re weak or unsure of themselves. They apologise because it keeps things easy.
So the next time an Irish person apologises for absolutely nothing, don’t rush to reassure them. Chances are, they’re not actually sorry at all; they’re just being Irish. Apologies if you’re now painfully aware of how often you say sorry. Sorry about that, too.
