We have all been guilty of the Irish goodbye. Here are the top occasions where you have probably done it, too.
Sometimes there is nothing else for it; the night gets too much, and we have to slip out the side door without telling anybody we are leaving.
The art of the Irish goodbye is a subtle craft that few can truly master, but those who do, do it with finesse. There are only certain times when it is the only option, so we have compiled a list of examples for you.
From escaping awkward situations to more practical reasons, there are many times when making a silent escape into the night is the only way to go.
5. When your ex walks in with their new lover − get the hell out of dodge
You have come through a messy breakup and are finally getting to grips with your single life, enjoying your newfound freedom and exploring your options.
Go tobann, your ex appears through the pub doors with their new partner, and all the memories start flushing back.
Is the Irish goodbye the only option here? You can bet on it. If you feel your composure beginning to fall apart, then it is time to make your quick exit, lest you make a show of yourself.
4. When a lad comes up to you at a party and starts telling you about his role-playing games − bonus points if he says you remind him of one of his characters
This is more about the ick than nerd shaming; we are not dissing Dungeons & Dragons players. We are just saying there is a time and a place for such things. And using it as a chat-up line is not one of them.
Everyone needs to learn how to read the room. Generally speaking, whenever someone gives you the ick is an excellent time to make a swift exit. Just make sure you text your pals when you get home.
3. When the guitar comes out − run away as soon as you hear Wonderwall
We also love a singsong with a guitar, but guitar lads at sessions can sometimes take the biscuit. If you hear even the idea of a guitar, it may be time to locate the closest exit and plan a different end to your evening.
Nobody needs that egotistical crooning in their night. Unless you’re the guitar lad yourself. If that is the case, expect a few people to disappear from your night without warning.
Have a good look in the mirror, and consider what it is that you’re lacking in your life that makes you feel the need to dominate a session with your mediocre tunes unjustifiably. Have you yet to hear of the art of conversation? Calm down.
2. When you have to hold your pals hair back − definitely time for an Irish goodbye
Sometimes the only option is to leave early and rescue your sick friend. If it gets to the stage that you are trying to talk them out of the toilet bowl, then calling it a night may be the only option.
To save their dignity and credibility, slipping out unnoticed is the only thing to do. They may not necessarily agree with you and even protest that they want to stay partying into the night.
We advise you to stick your ground for their own good, and they will surely be grateful in the morning.
1. When you get a little bit hungry − skip the queues at the Chinese
If you have yet to practice this version of the Irish goodbye, what are you doing with your life? Sliding out before the last orders is the perfect way to avoid the heavy queues in the takeaway.
This is the best reason to leave, and the most acceptable, in our books. If your friends scorn you when you tell them you disappeared early to get garlic cheese chips to eat in bed, then they were never your friends, honey.
You may even bump into one or two of your real friends already en route to the Chinese. True friends escape the crowds together.
If this happens, opt for a little roadside picnic; we love a few chicken nuggets on the footpath with friends. The perfect way to end a hard night of drinking.