You heard it here first, folks! Alcohol saved this man’s life. He hasn’t looked back since.
A divorced man has come out and admitted that he’d have “been dead fecking years ago” if it wasn’t for alcohol.
Tommy O’Shea (40) shocked fellow attendees at his first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, which he attended last week.
Tommy was attending his first AA meeting because, as he put it, “I was shagging early to meet me mates for pints, and it was fecking raining.”
The weekly Alcoholics Anonymous meeting was being held in the upstairs room of Our Lady of Perpetual Peace in Westfields, Limerick City.
After stumbling into the meeting “just to stay in out of the rain before I went for a few pints”, Tommy began listening to the stories of other attendees.
“Jaysus they were great gas altogether, so they were,” Tommy told his mates when he eventually arrived at the pub.
“The shagging meetings are meant to be bloody anonymous, so no one used their second name.”
“One guy stands up and says he, ‘My name is Bill and I’m an alcoholic,’ and everyone else says, ‘Hello, Bill.’ Jaysus, anonymous me arse, shur I’ve known him since we were at school together.
“’Will you go away to feck,’ says I. ‘Shur you’re Bill Shiners from O’ Donovan Park, your sister is married to Lanky O’Brien, the shagging Postman.’”
“Jaysus,” Tommy said and continued laughing with his mates, “That didn’t go down well with the organiser.”
“Anyway lads, that wasn’t the end of it, so it wasn’t,” Tommy said as he continued to regale his drinking buddies.
“So, your man, the organiser fella, got a bit snotty with me and says, ‘Go ahead there, Tommy, and tell us what part drink played in your downfall and how it ruined your life and why you’re trying to quit?’
“’Go away to feck again’ says I, to the snotty little organiser fella. I don’t have no drinking problem. In fact, the drink saved me life and made me the happiest man in Limerick.
Tommy’s tale
Tommy began to share his story with the group.
“’Me name is Tommy O’Shea’, says I, ‘I’m an alcoholic, and I’m fecking proud of it,’ says I. ‘Years ago I married Bridgit MacDonagh ‘cos she was pregnant, and her father and brothers were big feckers, so they were.
“’We had another three kids, so we did, and a fine big house paid for out of the big wages I had at the time. Everything was going grand, so it was until she got fat and took to the nagging.
“’Morning, noon, and night it was nag, nag, shagging nag. And she and the kids took every penny I made, and the kids were right brats altogether as well — always looking for new clothes, new mobile phones, and trips away with the shagging school. Jaysus me head was murdered so it was. Then she announced that her mother was moving in with us.”
Couldn’t take it
“’Anyway, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I took to the drink. Easy like at first, then as she persisted with the shagging nagging and as the kids got worse and her mother moved in, I drank more and more and buried meself in a bottle.
“’Shur ‘t wasn’t long before I was pissed out of me skull every day and I lost the job, and the wife threw me out.”
Tommy went on to explain that he was forced on the dole and is now living in a one-roomed bedsit and has no access to either his former wife or kids.
“’Ah, Jaysus ’tis grand altogether. I have no worries. The Council pays me rent, and that leaves me plenty of dosh to spend on the pints every night without a care in the world. Shur life couldn’t be better.’”
MeanwhileinIreland understands that shortly after Tommy told his story, him and his mates were joined in the pub by four or five lads from the AA meeting. They all had a great night knocking back pints and having the craic.
The Limerick Branch of Alcohol Anonymous is believed to be taking out a barring order on Tommy.
Disclaimer
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