A forty-year-old Galway City man is adamant that he does not suffer a gambling addiction. So much so he is willing to give 4 to 1 odds on it.
Thomas Magher (41) from Castle Street Galway City, an unemployed accountant, took serious exception to comments made by friends last night which intimated that he suffered from an addiction to gambling.
The comments were made when Magher refused to attend a celebratory lunch being held on his father’s seventieth birthday as it conflicted with the 4:30 race from Doncaster.
“It just wasn’t on.” He said. “I mean for feck-sake, Jaysus, seventy-years and they had to hold his birthday party on the day of the last flat-race of the season.”
Initial Comment Sparks Row
It is believed that the initial “Jaysus, you’re bloody addicted to gambling,” comment was made by Maher’s sister-in-law Julia after Maher eventually arrived at the party tearing up a wad of unsuccessful betting slips.
The defamatory nature of the exchange continued after she went on to suggest that Maher contact Gamblers Anonymous.
“There’s nothing anonymous in this town.” Maher retorted. “You with that great big gob on you, shur no one could keep anything secret with the way you gossip. And anyway, I’m not shagging addicted to gambling.”
Recently Lost His Job
Maher who recently lost his job under the suspicion of the unauthorised use of company funds started gambling as a schoolboy.
At the age of fourteen, he began organising poker classics throughout Galway and the Greater Connemara region.
Separated from his wife Mary and children Arkel (14) and Royal Flush (12) — it is believed Maher picked the names — after losing his family home on the outcome of a game of snooker. Maher has returned to living with and off his elderly parents.
Fifty Quid on Man-United
“I bet you anything you’d like.” Maher said to the gathering, “that I can easily do a week without placing a bet. Seriously does anyone want to put a tenner on it?” He challenged.
“Anyway, what harm does placing a few bob on a horse cause?” Maher asked as his gaze was diverted to a TV screen showing the Cross-Channel football results. “Ah, shag-it,” he muttered when it was announced Man U had lost to Liverpool. “I had fifty quid on Man U.”
Lost the Plot
At this stage, Maher’s sister-in-law completely lost the plot. “I suppose you’ll be asking your mother for another loan?” She accused.
“You can bet on it,” Maher replied as he set up the laptop he had ‘borrowed’ from his ex-employers on a quiet table and began playing online poker.
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the birthday party broke up shortly after Maher who failed to entice a group of friends into a “quick-few-hands” of cards left to spend the rest of the evening playing the slot machines in Salthill.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.