A local Galway man has been told by friends not to be such a pretentious fool and to enjoy an ordinary pint of beer.The incident happened late last week when a group of friends were attending the wedding of a work colleague which was being held in Letterfrack, Connemara.
Brian Stevens (30) was admonished by his friends when he expressed his disappointment as he and seven of his mates went for “just the quick one” immediately after the wedding ceremony which was held in the local parish church before going on to a nearby hotel where the reception was being held.
Mature beer drinker
Brian, who describes himself as a mature beer drinker who only partakes in one or two quality craft beers a week, expressed his surprise when the barmaid told him: “We only serve Guinness and Heineken, none of that craft beer malarkey.”
“For the love and honour of Jaysus, will you just drink a normal fecking pint like everyone else,” was one comment made by Jimmy O’Shea when Brian said that he’d stick to mineral water rather than drink as, he put it, “non-craft beer”.
Brian went on to say: “This is the problem when you come outside the larger urban areas. I rather fancied something dark and roasty, so I did,” he told his friends, then continued: “And I’m not sure those glasses are clean either.”
Poor form from the Bride and Groom
“Ah, for feck sake will you just down a pint of ordinary beer or a decent pint of Guinness for feck-sake. You’re embarrassing us with your going on about fecking craft beers,” Jimmy said.
True enough a couple of auld Connemara lads sipping pints in the corner were beginning to snigger away whispering to each other in Irish. Neither Brian nor any of his mates were native Gaelic speakers but Jimmy swears he heard the term “sissy arseh**e” being used.
“Nah seriously lads,” Brian reaffirmed. “I think it’s in very bad taste of the Bride and Groom to hold a wedding in a village where craft beer isn’t readily available.”
Drink the Guinness
“You fellows must surely admit that craft beer has a richer and more distinct taste than watery mass-produced beer. And that most local brewers work hard to maintain environmentally sustainable practices. Surely that must influence you in your choice of beer,” he said rather pompously.
“Ah here, for Jaysus sake,” another one of the lads who, to be honest, was getting sick to the teeth of Brian’s going on and on said. “Will you, for feck sake, shut the feck up and drink this,” he ordered Brian as he handed him a big creamy pint of Guinness. “Now drink that you Gob Sh**e, or I’ll fecking bust you.”
Best night ever
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the lads kept Brian tanked up on pints of Guinness for the rest of the night. He is reported to have downed about fifteen pints in total before making a pass at both bridesmaids.
He also fell into the wedding cake and got sick all over the bride’s mother before falling asleep on top of the top table. It is also believed he had the best night of his life and swears to only drink Guinness from now on.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.