Mayo County Council has announced a drastic reduction in the levels of permissible alcohol in drivers, effective from next week.
In a totally unexpected and surprising move announced today, Mayo County Council has lowered the permissible alcohol levels allowed for drivers by a staggering 20%.
The recommended levels are to be reduced from a maximum of 10 pints to a new maximum of 8 pints. The announcement was made after a special meeting of the Council’s Policing Subcommittee was held last night.
Background story to the move
In December 2008, coinciding with the end of the Celtic Tiger and what many perceived as the start of a period of recession, Mayo County Council invoked a long-standing bylaw dating back to the War for Independence that allowed the county to adapt national laws to suit the unique Mayo temperament.
With fears that the impending recession would have a devastating effect on not only the county’s economically vital tourist trade but also on the total social fabric of rural Mayo, the Council decided to apply a more relaxed form of drink-driving regulation.
Don’t drive if you can’t count your pints
Speaking to the press at the announcement of the more stringent drink-driving rules, the Mayor of Mayo Cllr Seamy O’Flynn Snr told reporters: “I honestly don’t know what all the fuss is about. Shur all we’ve done is to reduce the allowable intake for drivers from 10 down to 8 pints before they’re over the limit.
“Yeah, we listen to all that silly auld garbage from the science lot. But in the name of Jaysus, who could be bothered trying to calculate the amount of shagging milligrams of alcohol in the shagging bloodstream, ’tis easier by far to count the number of pints you’ve sank, isn’t it?”
Continuing, the Mayor said: “If a man can’t keep track of the number of pints he’s drinking, well, then, he shouldn’t be drinking never mind getting behind the wheel of a car.”
Mayo is a unique county
“You see,” the mayor went on to say, “Mayo is a unique county. It’s so rural you could walk for a day and not see another person living or dead, so you could.
“But Mayo men are not loners by nature; they enjoy the craic, the banter and the few pints of a night, so they do. And ’tis only right a fitting that they can relax, have a few pints and then drive home to the wife for a decent plate of spuds, bacon and cabbage.
“Just like Mayo men have been doing for centuries. Shur the chances of them seeing another sinner or another car on the road are slim to feck all. Anyways, if they do roll the car into a ditch, shur, most lads have a tractor handy to pull it out again in the morning.”
The times they are a changin’
“But I suppose the times are changing and we need to respect them health and safety lads up in Dublin who are going on about zero tolerance for drink-drivers.
“So what we decided to do is impose a stricter drink-driving rule. Any man from now on, who downs a ninth pint or even asks to be served one, will be in serious trouble and probably have his name read off the altar, so he will,” referring to the Mayo tradition of having the Parish Priest read the names of those who misbehave from the altar at the Sunday mass.
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the new maximum permissible alcohol levels for drivers will come into effect sometime next week. They will probably be enforced for a week or two then promptly forgotten about — as is the way in Mayo.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
