A five-point look at why the Irish electorate is being urged to vote Fine Gael in the next election — opinion piece By Dr Rory O’Gorman.
1. Full Employment to be Achieved
Let’s face it ever since Fianna Fail was rightly ousted from power in 2011 after nearly ruining the country. Fine Gael has stepped up to the breach and pulled our proverbial national nuts from the fire.
Under the guiding hand of Taoiseach Leo, employment is at nearly 100 percent. We need to keep it that way and Fine Gael are the lads to get those remaining sods who can’t be bothered to go find a job, up out of bed and back into the workplace.
Being honest if you haven’t got the gumption to get out and find a job in this booming Fine Gael led economy — well then, you need a good kick in the arse and Leo is the man to give it to you.
2. Tax Breaks for All
Ok, perhaps not for all but certainly for all those who are already wealthy and of course also for our international conglomerate friends whom we hold so dear.
F.G. strongly believes in the established economic principle that “a rising tide lifts all boats.”
It is because of this principle that we intend to tax the poorer sections of society to the hilt thereby allowing us more manoeuvrability to reduce the tax payable by those with plenty of cash. Hopefully, this will enable a small pittance to fall through the cracks and dribble down to the less well-off thereby keeping everyone happy.
Anyway the poor would only waste any few-bob we might throw their way — you see there is method in our madness after all.
3. The Twilight Zone
There can be no doubt that as we enter the twilight zone of this Dáil that people will look back at the greatest of F.G. achievements during the past years.
Three or four of our greatest achievements in the past year have all been in Health area: Cervical Check, budget overrun, children’s hospital, and the successful handling of the nurses’ strike. “It’s all Health, it all comes back to Health,” said one commentator and he’s right.
In Simon Harris, we have a health minister in whom we can trust, a man who never takes his eye of the ball. And until we can find someone else stupid enough to take the job, Simon — under a F.G. government — will continue as a steady hand on the helm.
4. Housing Crisis, what Crisis?
There is a misconception out there in Ordinary People’s Ireland that the country is seeing a shortage in available rental accommodation. This is plain and simply a myth.
There is no housing crisis, in fact, many of our TDs and senators make a nice little earner by renting out properties all over the country — these members can be contacted directly through their constituency offices.
5. The Devil You Know
It’s true, the Devil you know is better than the Devil you don’t know.
At least with F.G., you know where you stand — you’re going to get screwed anyway.
Not like with the other shower who have merrily dozed for the past ten or so years.
The foregoing is an opinion piece written by the prominent political commentator Dr Rory O’Gorman. Dr O’Gorman is currently a patient at the Central Mental Hospital Dundrum where he is in charge of the ping-pong table and not really responding to treatment.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.