The American drone attack on Baghdad Airport on 3 January 2020, which resulted in the death of Iranian General Qassem Soleimani, Commander of the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps, has been deemed amateurish by a local Sinn Féin activist.
Timmy Murphy (52), who is known locally as Dim Timmy, was co-opted on to Donegal County Council in 1999 but lost his seat in the local elections three months later. Murphy passed his opinion as he downed a few pints with friends in O’Driscoll’s Bar and Lounge near Letterkenny.
Strenuously denies membership
“Not that I’d know anything about drone-strikes,” said Timmy, who denies ever having being a member of an illegal organisation but used to talk a lot during “the Troubles,” to make himself seem important.
Timmy’s comments drew a mixed response. One observer retorted: “Will you go away to f–k Timmy, the closest you ever got to a bit of action was watching the shagging Crying Game on the video,” which caused Timmy to utter: “Ah go way to feck, I did my bit for Ireland, so I did.”
What would you have done differently?
Timmy then said: “Back in my day we didn’t have the luxury of drones. All we had was a rickety auld flat-bed Hiace with a couple of cast-iron sewer pipes welded together and a few auld mortars that me granddad stole from the RUC back in 1923.”
“Tell us so Timmy, how would you have done it differently?” asked Josie O’Brien, who was back in Letterkenny after three months of work experience at Tesco in neighbouring County Sligo.
“Well, for a start I’d have sent in a few lads on a milk-truck with a couple of tonne of semtex and a flask of tea, that way they could wait till the right General lad came along then light the fuse and make a run for it.
“The way the Yanks did it just wasn’t right. I mean sitting in a fecking bunker in the Pentagon place and playing shagging computer games is all they did. Shur, there’s no skill in that.”
Casualties me arse
“But surely Timmy, they were trying to cut down on American casualties?” Josie asked. “Casualties me arse,” Timmy replied. “You always need a few martyrs to help the cause.
“Shur didn’t the Irish martyrs — God bless them — do more for Ireland after they died than they ever did while they were alive. For feck-sake, you won’t find anyone writing ballads about fecking drones.”
Timmy then sank another pint and began singing: “A lorry load of volunteers approached the border town. There were men from Dublin and from Cork, Fermanagh and Tyrone.”
Trump wants Timmy on board
“You’ll never get a decent commemoration day parade for a fecking drone. And you can bet your shagging life you won’t hear The Wolfe Tones singing about R2D2 the fecking drone that died. No, you need the few martyrs so you do.”
Meanwhile in Ireland has learned that American President Trump has been informed of Timmy’s opinion and has offered him a position on the National Security Council as a Chief Military Strategist. That is of course if Sinn Féin no longer needs him.
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