“Women can’t work as well as men” claims long term unemployed man

A County Galway man has astounded friends and work colleagues when he drunkenly pontificated that women can not perform as well as men in the workplace. Jimmy O’Neill (45) from Summerhill, Salthill, County Galway has since been subjected to voluminous criticism.

Jimmy, a former assembly worker at the Tivoli Computer assembly plant in Salthill Industrial Estate before being laid off for being drunk on the job and forgetting to put the master-board into three dozen computers, made his remarks while out sponging pints off his former colleagues in The Long Walk Pub Galway.

Nothing against women

“It’s not that I have anything against women in general,” life-long bachelor Jimmy said. “But it’s just that they’re shagging useless at most things they set their mind too. Jimmy never really came to grips with the fact that he was replaced by a woman.

“It’s not really their fault in fairness but they spend far too much time standing in front of shagging mirrors tarting themselves up and doing their shagging nails and stuff.”

Jimmy’s comments drew a mixed reaction from the group ranging from slight nods of agreement from two lads to extreme anger and disbelieve from four of the women who were present.

Sexist comments

“Jaysus you sexist gob-shite,” was the immediate reaction from Claudia. “That’s a complete load of bull. Take Sister Josie; she’s a theatre nurse below at the hospital. She’s the one that keeps people alive when they’re having shagging transplants, so she is. You can’t tell me that that’s not a responsible job.”

“It’s them fecking machines that go ‘beep’ is what keeps the people alive,” Jimmy replied, “Shur all she does is turn the fecking things on. Me fecking dog Rover could do that, so he could. I’m not saying that women don’t have their uses.

“In fairness, they’re good at the auld doing the washing, ironing and cooking and that sort of stuff. But put them in a real job and they simply fall apart, so they do. The odd woman might be trusted with a real job but only when they’ve finished with having and rearing babies.”

Can’t work a real job

Turning to Claudia, he said: “I bet you can’t tell me one job a woman can do properly — like seriously, if they’re not off having babies three or four times a year they’re shagging getting their hair done, so they are.

“And another thing,” Jimmy said, never knowing when to keep his mouth shut. “All these days off that women take when they have what they call ‘women’s stuff.’ Jaysus you’d never hear of a man taking a day off work for ‘man’s stuff’ would you?” Jimmy, who never really understood biology, asked.

Jimmy gets his jaw broke

Jimmy, who was no stranger to putting his foot in his gob, went on: “Women are alright in the kitchen doing that sort of women’s stuff or even the odd one could work behind a counter in a sweet shop but you always need to check your change so you would. But that’s as far as it goes.”

At this stage, Claudia, who was once county female boxing champion, gave Jimmy an almighty dig in the face. Rumour has it that the surgeon who stuck his jaw back together was a woman. She apparently did a brilliant job but Jimmy is still talking out of his arse.