A County Cavan man has pleaded a severe case of amnesia as his defence for not buying his fair share of drinks the last time he socialised with friends.
James Patrick Murphy (37), who lives and works in Rathgar, Dublin but is originally from Cootehill in County Cavan, stood accused by five friends in O’Donaghues Pub, Dublin last night after eventually returning to the scene of the original incident.
In voluntary hiding
“C’mere you mean Fecker you never got a round in the last night we were out,” were the typical comments thrown at Mr Murphy from his companions after he dared to show his face for the usual Saturday night ‘pints with the lads.’
Murphy had entered into voluntary hiding for the past three Saturday nights and was accused directly by his friends of deliberately avoiding the pub in order to avoid buying the owed round.
The inability to find his pockets
“I mean for Jaysus sake,” complained one of Murphy’s mates, “I know all you Cavan men are cursed with the inability to put your fecking hands in your pockets, but that’s just not on.”
The exasperated friend continued; “That kind of behaviour should be reserved solely for strangers and your in-laws. You just don’t do it to your mates.”
“Don’t be coming in here with your fancy ironed shirt and clean Chinos all fancied-up and ready for a night out on the batter, and you claiming to have forgotten it’s your round,” another of Murphy’s mate insisted.
“That’s a load of pure shite, and you know it is. Amnesia me arse, you’re just a mean bastard and that’s a fact,” he shouted loudly while poking Murphy in the chest.
‘Never avoid me mates’
“But!” replied Murphy. “Seriously lads,” he pleaded. “It must have been a total memory loss. Shur you know I’d never avoid me mates, just for the sake of the price of a couple of pints. I swear to Jaysus I just forgot — honestly on the life of me Granny.”
“Forgot? You did in your hole,” Murphy’s mate retorted. “Wasn’t we all texting you at least three times a day. And Patsy had it all over Facetube.
“Jaysus, we’re talking about the price of three pints — you’re lucky we’re even fecking talking to you. And anyway hasn’t your granny been dead these last ten years?” he inquired.
“You see, I even forgot me poor Granny died. Jaysus, that’s a really bad case of memory loss — doesn’t that prove it?” Murphy asked, in the hope this would assuage his friends.
Forced to buy the round
“Oh, for the love and honour of Jaysus!” said two of Murphy’s mates at exactly the same time. “Just go and get them in,” they ordered as they pushed Murphy towards the bar and blocked any possible escape out the front door.
“I’ll go to the bar straight away,” promised Murphy as he headed in that general direction. Murphy was taught a lesson that night that you can never avoid the round you owe your mates.
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that Murphy’s mates waited until closing time for his return until as the crowds thinned one of them noticed that the fire escape door was open and Murphy was long gone.
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.