Eejits: the history, culture, and origins of eejits and where to find them

Have you ever wondered what makes an eejit that special breed of Irish person? — We will look at their culture, origins, and where they can be found?

The Cambridge Dictionary classifies the term eejit as a humorous Irish-English noun used to describe a “stupid person”.

I personally don’t think they’re right. Eejit, in my opinion, is a unique Irish class of a personality. Love them or hate them, here in Ireland we have more than our fair share of them.

A comparison

OK, fair enough, I’ll admit that most countries in the world have plenty of Idiots. Just look at America and the UK and who’s running the countries.

Or, simply switch on daytime TV to find examples of your typical international idiot. But, they’re idiots, not true-blue Irish eejits. 

The Irish eejit is different.

It’s a cultural sort of a thing. Our eejits are special, they don’t display any outward signs of low intelligence, in fact, they can appear quite smart and often hold down good jobs.

But, deep down, they’re still, as we say, “awful fecking eejits.” 

The evolution of eejits

Ever since the days of Adam and Eve when Adam was stupid enough to take a bite of an apple from a girl he had just met and got himself and her flung out of the Garden of Eden after God who was more or less their landlord at the time told him to leave the apple alone we’ve had eejits.

Now, while it can’t be historically proven that Adam was Irish, jaysus, he must have had some Irish in him.

Like, in all fairness, what class of a fool would be living in a perfect gaff with everything going for him and break the one shagging rule that the landlord made. The words complete and utter eejit immediately springs to mind.

Adam typifies the difference between idiot and eejit. An idiot just wouldn’t have had the sense or the intellectual ability to refrain from eating the apple.

Still, the eejit was just blinded by Eve’s boobs and said: “shur, I’ll chance it anyway.”

The Irish eejit

We don’t have idiots in Ireland — OK, perhaps a few managing our international soccer team — we’re far too cute for that. We have our eejits and, believe it or not, we kind of love them a tiny bit.

Take, for example, your average politician, we all know one.

He was the lad who dropped out of school at fourteen to work pulling pints behind the counter in his father’s bar in West Kerry, while his father was up in Dublin ‘working’ as a TD.

Next thing you know, the father up and dies, leaving the bar and a few farms to his eejit son along with a safe Fianna Fail seat.

This guy can barely read or write, but suddenly he’s elected and involved in running the country — until, that is, he’s caught claiming expenses for trips he never actually took or going on dodgy golf outings with a gang of equally-qualified eejits all paid for by some big bank or a suspiciously crooked businessman.

But, our hero may be an eejit, but he’s no fool. You see, the Irish eejit can ride out the storm of negative PR and ignore the calls for his resignation ‘cos the Irish political eejit has a neck like a jockey’s ‘you know what’ and a self-survival instinct like — well, an Irish political animal.

Where to find them

The eejit can be found almost anywhere. But if your time is short and you are in search of a typical example of where eejits can be seen in the wild, I suggest you begin your search in the following locations.

Dáil Éireann, always an excellent spot to find eejits. OK, I’m not saying every Irish politician is an eejit, but let’s face it, the figures do add up when studied closely.

Another popular place where the eejit can be found is occupying the barstool beside you when all you want is a quiet pint.

You know the type who insists on telling you exactly what’s wrong with the world and how it should be fixed. This type of eejit is closely related to the subspecies of the Dublin taxi driver.

Your local GAA club, especially at underage matches, is another likely spot to study the behaviour of eejits.

You’ll always find at least one eejit parent who never held a hurley or kicked a ball in his life screaming and roaring at the referee all because the ref decided against the eejit’s offspring.

These encounters can often lead to moments where a typical eejit behaviour trait of cursing, screaming, and threats of violence can be observed.

How to handle an eejit

This is the tricky bit, in Ireland, you will find yourself having to deal with eejits daily — especially if you deal with public or civil-servants or travel to County Meath on regular trips.

The best way to deal with eejits is to stand perfectly still, try not to make any sudden movements, never engage in conversation, perhaps pretend you’re deaf and, if luck is on your side, perhaps they’ll go away.