HAD ENOUGH: EU leaders meet to discuss how to finally get rid of the Brits

The Leaders of the twenty-seven countries remaining in the UK met secretly in Brussels earlier this week to discuss ways in which Britain may eventually leave the EU.

British Prime minister May was excluded from the meeting of Heads of State.

The internal bickering in Westminster and problems associated with no fixed exit date dominated the agenda. 

French President Macaroon is reported as saying “it is time they either piz or get off de pot. Mom Dieu those English peoples could not organise de piz-up in a vineyard.” he exclaimed.

German Chancellor Angeleyes Merkal supports President Macaroon’s stance and said “we are growing tired of this “vil we go or vil we stay dance silly Britisher games they are playing.

“However, we are pleased with the fact that Theresa and Jeremy are meeting to try to break the deadlock after I gently pointed out to Tess that we have vays of making them talk.”

Irish Taoiseach (Prime minister) Leo Varadkar — looking resplendent, if not dazzling, in a Louis Copeland double-breasted blazer, blue shirt and matching cravat — brought up the question of the Irish Backstop.

After officials briefed the meeting on where Ireland was actually situated the Taoiseach was assured by the other leaders that Ireland would receive the full backing of the EU.

Contingent of course on other prevailing political and economic concerns or as the Italian Prime minister put it “whichever way the wind is blowing at any particular time.”

 An interesting solution to the current impasse was put forward by the Spanish foreign minister which included drastic measures such as pouring reinforced concrete into the Channel Tunnel to isolate Britain along with a naval blockade of Gibraltar.

“Maybe they might take the hint and get the message that we would be glad to see the back off them.” He said.

Meanwhile, in London, senior advisors to both the Conservative and Labour leaders broke off their Boris Johnson effigy burning practice to hold talks about where the May/Coburn talks will take place if of course, they do take place.

Reports are emanating from Washington that American President Donald Trump has offered to mediate between all the parties involved.

A White House spokesperson said, “President Trump feels that a delicate political situation such as Brexit requires a mediator with proven diplomatic negotiation skills such as the Presidents and pointed to his recent successes in both North and South Korea along with the Middle Eastern peace progress as examples.”

The meeting of EU leaders then moved on to the more pressing issue of whose turn it is to win the European Song Contest this year.