The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are reported to have taken up employment at a well known Limerick chipper after revealing to the public their desire to become ‘financially independent’.
Media outlets across the world are said to be in frenzy this morning as news desks are flooded with reports that both the Duke Prince Harry and Duchess Megan have taken up employment at the famous Limerick chipper Donkey Fords.
The Duke and Duchess announced this week that they were stepping back from official royal duties and hoped to lead independent financial lives.
Donkey’s refuse to confirm Royal employment
A spokesperson for Donkey Ford’s chipper located in John’s Street, Limerick refused to confirm that the Duke and Duchess were sharing shifts at the notorious Limerick fast food outlet.
Frank Corr, Human resources manager and short-order cook at Donkey Fords, told reporters “I refuse to either confirm or deny the rumours; here at Donkey Fords we respect our staff’s privacy.
“We’re sort of like the French Foreign Legion. It don’t matter to us what someone done in the past even if they has a dodgy family history. As long as they does what they’re supposed to do we don’t give a sh**e.
“All I can tell you is that this young ginger-haired lad with a real posh accent came in yesterday looking for a job for himself and his missus.”
A bit of Afghan experience
Mr Corr, growing exasperated, then turned to the BBC crew and saying “I’m fecking telling ya if you don’t move away from that fecking door I’ll fecking bust ya!”
“Anyway,” Mr Corr went on, “the ginger-haired lad told me he had served in Afghanistan and as sure as Jaysus it can get sort of rough around Donkeys on a weekend night when the pubs close.
“So having the bit of Afghanistan War experience will be handy. Anyway, your-wan the Duchess Bird has a nice arse on her,” said Mr Corr, who is known for appreciating a bit of a classy woman.
Rumours are circulating around Limerick that Harry and Megan are renting a one bedroom flat in John’s Gate while waiting for an appointment with Council staff to get on the Housing List.
Willie O’Dea TD has also confirmed to us at Meanwhile in Ireland that he has been approached by the couple to “see if I could pull a few strings.”
What’s a Catholic?
“They seem a very nice couple,” was one reaction from a local off-licence owner who didn’t want to be named ‘cos his brother hopes to run for Sinn Fein in the next local elections and it wouldn’t do to be heard saying anything nice about the Brits.
“They came in here last night to buy a few cans to take home and to change an English fiver for change for the gas. Your-man the ginger-haired lad told me that that’s his granny’s picture on the fiver.”
Our reporter at the scene overheard the Prince asking Donkey Ford how come the chipper was so busy selling fish and chips on a Friday. And when told that Catholic’s traditionally eat fish on Friday’s then asked: “What’s a Catholic?”
News Just In
As we go to press, we have just received word that the couple has been given a house by the Corpo close to John’s square. And that Frank Corr of Donkey Fords eventually lost his patience with the BBC film crew and took a baseball bat to them.
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