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    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Hippies urge public to get behind ‘Hug a Coronavirus Victim’ to end stigma
    Craic Satire

    Hippies urge public to get behind ‘Hug a Coronavirus Victim’ to end stigma

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterMarch 6, 2020No Comments3 Mins Read
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    A group of middle-aged former hippies have launched a campaign which is aimed at ending what they see as the stigma attached to those who have caught the Coronavirus, the deadly disease that is sweeping the earth.

    The campaign was launched at the Temple Bar Former Hippy Coffee Morning at Smokey Joe’s Deli in Temple Bar, Dublin yesterday morning.

    Former Hippy Coffee Club

    Image result for group of hippies
    A depiction of those who attend the coffee mornings, attempting to reclaim their youth with these costumes.

    The Temple Bar Former Hippy Coffee Club is a longstanding social club for those who were practising Hippies during the seventies and eighties. Coffee mornings and other social events are held regularly and wheelchair access is available.

    Speaking at the launch of the campaign, Rose Petal O’ Shea (74), Chairwoman of the group, told reporters; “Ok man, we might be a bit passed our prime but we still have the ability to organise and make people come together.

    “Never forget we were the people who ended the war in Vietnam, introduced free-love, and made the Rolling Stones what they are today,” she said through a cloud of suspicious smelling smoke. “Power to the people man, and power to those who have been struck down with the Coronavirus. Right on, man.”

    Hard to self-isolate

    Image result for coronavirus covid 19
    The coronavirus. Credit: health.mil.com

    M/S Rose Petal went on to say; “Back in the day, man, we in the Hippy community were victims of the Man’s stigma, just because many of us had AIDs. Free-love doesn’t come cheap you know. So we know what it’s like to carry a stigma.

    “Now the government are advising the people to self-isolate. That’s simply not o, man. Most of us still live in communes and it’s bloody difficult to self-isolate when you’re sleeping four or five to a bed. Yeah right on, sister!”

    Symptoms ‘akin’ to being stoned

    “Anyway, how do you know you’ve caught the Corona?” she asked. “Me and my fellow Flower People are always sniffling with runny noses, have chesty coughs and most of the time are so dizzy we don’t know where we are. But that’s normally due to the weed, drink, drugs and listening to the Mamas and Papas too loud.”

    Image result for smoking weed
    Credit: Martin Alonso / Flickr

    M/s Rose Petal went on to plead with the media to get her message out to the masses. “We are organising a Hug a Victim Day’’ outside Leinster House tomorrow. We’ll announce the time when and if we wake up, but we want everyone to carry a daffodil and simply hug each other.”

    Loudest sneeze competition

    At this stage, the press conference was interrupted when a member of the group, believed to be a male member (it was difficult to determine his/her gender) of M/S Rose Petal’s commune and who had recently returned from China via Northern Italy, began a ‘who has the loudest sneeze competition.’

    He was forcefully removed from the cafe by a couple of beefy Polish security guards who don’t mind what they do or who they work for as long as the money is good.

    Café raided

    Image result for gardaí armed
    Credit: wikipedia.org

    As we go to press we understand that Smokey Joe’s cafe was raided by both the Health Authority and the Garda Drug Squad. M/s Rose Petal and her friends were then wrapped in cling-film and sent for full-body lamination.  

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

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    Gerald Leinster
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    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

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