Reported incidences of sheep-shagging continue to fall in County Kerry following a spike in previous decades.
As some counties in Ireland are forced back into self-imposed lockdown due to the Covid pandemic some good news is being reported from County Kerry this week.
Kerry County Council’s weekly sheep-shagging numbers have fallen for the second week in a row. Figures released by the Kerry Sheep-Shaggers Watching Committee — a subcommittee of the Council – show a steady decline in numbers of people cautioned under the county’s Sheep-shagging by-laws.
Background story
The Sheep-Shagging by-law was introduced by Kerry County Council during 1984 to curb what was then seen as a major problem in the Kingdom County.
The by-law was considered by many to be an affront to civil liberties in the county and resulted in ongoing periods of sporadic public protest.
During one particular public protest meeting in August 2000, ten people were arrested on civil disobedience charges and four members of the Garda Public Order needed to be hospitalised after rioting broke out in Tralee.
Some call it barbaric, others call it fun
Speaking to the press at the release of the positive bi-monthly figures, Jackie O’Donnell Chair of The Sheep-shagging Subcommittee gave his brutally honest thought.
“It’s grand to see the figures for sheep-shagging fall for the second week in a row. Sheep-Shagging is a barbaric act and needs to be ended.
“Ok, we can understand the deep-rooted traditional pastime and the Kerryman’s long-held belief that when you can’t find a decent wife — and God knows they are few and far between in West Kerry — well how will I put it? Any port will do in a storm. But seriously, lads, it’s not fair on the sheep.”
Also wants the bun on drink-driving overturned
O’Donnell, a long time serving member and twice Chairman of the Council, was originally elected as an independent on the Anti Sheep-shagging platform during the 1999 local elections and is also known as a keen supporter of the lobby to remove the ban on drink-driving in Rural Kerry.
O’Donnell went on to dismiss claims made by some Fianna Fail councillors that the drop in Sheep-shagging convictions could be attributed to increased Garda Covid related checkpoints.
“That’s all nonsense,” he said. “Shur, ’tis pure and utter nonsense, every dog in the street knows that a few extra Gardai around the back roads won’t stop a Kerryman from a having a date with a decent sheep when and if he gets the auld urge on him.
“Shur Kerrymen have been having long-term relationships with sheep since the days of the troubles. Shur if the Black and Tans, couldn’t put a stop to it what hope ‘have’ Sergeant Pascal and that young slip of a one that drives the squad car.”
The internet has their attention these days
“No to be fair ’tis them Swedish internet sites that ‘does’ have the lads attention these days, Shur who’d want to be going out on a wet Saturday night looking for ewes when you can go on the net for a few hours in the comfort of your own home.”
In related news, Meanwhile in Ireland reports that the cancellation (due to Covid fears) of this year’s annual Killorglin Puck Fair where a goat is traditionally tethered on a high pole may also have a calming effect on Kerry males.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
