My low and angry moods have nothing to do with my coke habit, claims Cokehead

A Cork estate agent has defended himself against allegations from friends that his aggression coupled with depression is a direct result of his cocaine habit.

Responding to comments from his circle of friends who had accompanied him on a night out in Sindies Night Club in Cork, thirty-year-old Jeffery Stevens was quick to dismiss the allegations.

Occasionally Feels Down

“All right, so I get a bit down in myself occasionally.” He said. “But it’s nothing to do with the odd sniff I take now and then.”

“I mean, for Jaysus sake.” He shouted loudly over the heavy beat of the night club music.

“People have been doing a bit of Blow for years without it doing them any harm, especially in Dublin!

“I mean, again, look at the fecking lads that live in the Andes, shur, those boys have been sniffing the stuff for thousands of years without it doing them a bit of harm.”

He emphasised this while snorting a line from the glass-top table.

Not Addicted

Stevens’ desk during a break from work.

Stevens who works for one of the city’s largest property development companies went on to say.

“It’s not like I’m addicted or anything. I mean, I only take one or two lines a day — perhaps three if I’m having a busy day. It sort of takes the edge off the day.

“It’s not like I’m getting tanked up on booze or anything.” He explained as he knocked back another Jack Daniel’s and Coke.

“Ok, so telling my boss to ‘go take a hike’ was a bit over the top especially after feeling-up his secretary but I was a bit hyper that morning. I think I may have got a stronger batch of Jimmy that week. I sort-off had an extra buzz on.”

Financial Difficulties 

Open empty wallet in the hands of a man. The concept of financial problems

Stevens went on to explain that his occasional low moods could be explained by his current financial difficulties.

“My fecking credit card is maxed-out.” He said then continued. “So is my current account overdraft and the bloody landlord is screaming for the rent. Like, it’s not easy coming up with €400 to buy enough powder for the week.

“Seriously that’s enough to depress anyone. I’m lucky I can get away with a bit of ‘creative’ accounting at work.” He told his ‘trusted’ very best friends, most of whom he had just met.

“No, it’s the lack of funds that has me feeling low not the Blow. Shur, it’s the only thing that keeps me going.” He said trying to convince the others — and himself.”

Sources close to Stevens claim his financial difficulties are a direct result of his cocaine habit.


“As for the anger tantrums,” Stevens continued.

“That’s bull. Ok, so I did ‘glass’ that barman the other night when he refused to serve me. But it was his fault not mine, anyway, to be honest, I don’t remember much of that night. I was fairly on a buzz.”

With those final comments, Stevens stood up, knocking over the glass-top table and threw a beer bottle at an innocent passer-by before storming off home.