Ireland’s armed robbers have, in an unusual move, been singled out for praise by the Garda Commissioner for their responsible compliance with the Covid-19 isolation restrictions.
Speaking to the press outside Garda Headquarters, Assistant Commissioner Drew McGuire said; “We are delighted with the positive attitude shown by the country’s criminal fraternity during these tough times.
“While we acknowledge the sacrifice and difficult conditions faced by frontline workers we want to especially applaud the sacrifice and the ‘thinking outside of the box’ shown by Ireland’s criminal fraternity, particularly those normally involved with ATM smash and grabs.”
ATM ‘Smash and Grab’
“We are impressed by the way some gangs have adopted new and innovative technologies to go about their criminality. It really gives us hope that criminals in Ireland will embrace the new normality,” the Assistant Commissioner hopefully said.
It is believed that the Assistant Commissioner was referring to last night’s smash and grab of an ATM on Main Street Nass. Thieves used a digger which was stolen last week from a building site in Dublin’s Docklands.
It appears that the thieves modified the digger so that it could be operated by remote control from their base in North Dublin. The thieves oversaw the complete operation via a drone-mounted eye-in-the-sky camera.
Watched via Zoom
Chief Inspector Sammy Mullins, who is leading the investigation said, “It was an absolutely brilliantly planned attack and was truly mindful of social distancing restrictions. “The digger was stolen last week from a site in the Docklands well within the five-kilometre restriction zone of a notorious Dublin criminal known to Gardaí as the Colonel.”
“What they did then was modify the digger controls so that they could be operated by remote control through a radio and infrared device which had Bluetooth uplink to a video camera on the drone.
“We believe the drone was connected by the internet back to the Colonel’s home in Crumlin. The whole job was carried out from the comfort of the Colonel’s living room. Other gang members watched the smash and grab via the Zoom App.”
Adopting to the new normal
“Once the ATM was pulled from the wall it was carried through the empty Dublin streets back to Crumlin on the front bucket of the digger. It’s amazing that no one noticed an unmanned digger driving erratically through Dublin’s streets but ’tis strange times we are living in.”
Minister for Trade and Enterprise Heather Humphries said. “This is a great example of people adapting to the ‘new normal.’ These criminal lads have shown great ‘get up and go.’
“Not content with sitting at home on their arses drawing the Covid-19 payment, they have adapted technology and have shown great innovation in an effort to get back to work in a socially conscious manner. Fair-dues to them, answering Ireland’s Call in this way.”
Dubliners asked to applaud
Meanwhile in Ireland understands that the people of North Dublin are being asked to stand on their doorsteps at eight PM tonight to applaud the local gang of socially conscious criminals.
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