Brexiteer tourist in exchange rate difficulty claims “I never voted for this”

A British tourist who found himself stranded without money in Malaga, Spain has taken to social media to appeal to friends and family to assist by sending him money by using a foreign money transfer.

Englishman Darren Smith, along with his wife Lisa and their five children from Birmingham, are currently holidaying on the Costa del Sol close to the region’s capital city of Malaga.

‘Had plenty of sterling with me’

“We came out here for a nice typical sun holiday and I took plenty of sterling with me. But the bloody pound isn’t what it used to be. It will get you nothing, absolutely zilch — we’re bloody stone broke and need our friends back home in the UK to send us a foreign money transfer so we can pay our hotel bill.”

“Yeah, I know I voted ‘Leave’ in the Brexit vote but honestly I didn’t expect the value of Sterling to plummet. Or I didn’t expect to be treated like a foreigner,” he complained rather belatedly.

Treated like foreigners

“It’s not what I voted for; after all, I’m still British,” said Darren, who was proudly wearing a Union Jack tee-shirt and budgie-smuggler shorts and of course the obligatory flip-flops and straw hat.

“It all started in the arrivals hall,” Darren told a local reporter. “All the other passengers from EU countries just breezed through immigration, so they did. But the people on the Birmingham flights had to queue up for hours just to get their passports checked. We wos treated just like dem foreigners we wos,” he complained.

Darren, who told the reporter that, as he put it, had “taken loads of real dosh” to see him and his immediate family through the three week holiday, “just doesn’t know where his money has gone.”

A litany of expenses 

“First the car hire company wanted more cash ‘cos I don’t have an EU driving licence. Then the cops pulled me for speeding and took an on the spot fine, how was I to know the signs were in kilometres not miles? 

“Then the hotel wanted more dosh as a deposit because of currency fluctuations between the Euro and Sterling and I think they’ve had problems with a few UK families skipping out and not paying the bill.

“And the price of everything out here is so expensive with no one accepting the Queen’s pound anymore. As I said, it’s like as if we are bloody foreigners from one of those African countries that we used to own. It’s not what I voted for,” a distraught Darren said.

“Like seriously,” Darren went on. “We wos told that as soon as we left the EU, they’d all be leaving and coming back to the Commonwealth. I mean seriously don’t we still count for anything anymore, like ruling the waves and never, never, never being slaves — now it’s like we never existed.”

Whip around arranged

Meanwhile in Ireland’s Spanish subsidiary reports that a few of Darren’s workmates back in Birmingham read his Facebook appeal and got together, had a whip around and have sent him more dosh via foreign money transfer services.

Darren hopes to continue his holiday in the typical Brit fashion of getting pissed out of his tree, eating Chinese takeaway, leaving the kids to fend for themselves and when he’s not burning to a cinder on the beach going to watch the FA Cup on in the nearest British bar.