Chinese coronavirus polling 3 points ahead of Fine Gael in opinion poll

The strain of the Chinese coronavirus, the infectious disease and respiratory illness which is sweeping the world, has shocked political commentators in Ireland as it has overtaken the Fine Gael party in popularity in the run-up to next months Irish general Election.

The virus, which, according to the Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), can cause serious respiratory illness and in extreme cases death, has leapt three points ahead of the prospect of another Fine Gael government this weekend’s opinion polls reveal.

Rather the illness than more of Fine Gael

“It’s truly absolutely fecking amazing,” said leading political pundit Cathal Smyth, who described in his weekly column how voters would rather suffer a “weird respiratory illness” that “might actually kill them”.

Voters would rather than put up with more of the same auld-shite from the politicians in power as the last couple of years. Smyth wrote; “It appears — if opinion polls are accurate — that people would rather take their chance on a global epidemic than vote Fine Gael.

“One auld-lad I interviewed told me, ‘Well, if you’re going to get fecked you might as well get fecked properly. At least the coronavirus thingy doesn’t come around to your door every couple of years and pretend to be ‘good’ for you just to get re-elected.

‘The virus will do what it says on the can — completely feck you up, so it does, there’s none of this auld fecking sweet talk!’ Smyth reported the gentleman as saying.

Taoiseach doubts the poll

Taoiseach Leo Varadkar was quick to cast doubt on the validly of the latest opinion polls, saying; “You can’t seriously believe that this opinion poll is true.

“The people of Ireland would rather have a weird respiratory illness that has the potential to wreck the health system, crash the economy and lead to people sleeping on the streets than have the glorious Fine Gael led government back in power.

“No, the only polls that mater is how the voters vote on Election Day,” he said, using the same old crap logic that all politicians use when their popularity takes a nose-dive.

Virus might be good for Ireland

Some global commentators are predicting that Ireland could be better off if the Coronavirus did manifest itself. “Ireland could use the virus to its advantage,” said Professor Steven Harold senior lecturer in geopolitics at Yale University.

“If the virus does reach Ireland they could be lucky and confine the outbreak to Leinster House. This would mean placing the members of the government in strict quarantine for a period of seven years.

“That means not letting them out could have the desirable consequence of limiting the amount of damage that politicians normally do when elected.”

Government confinement

“It’s amazing how a country can actually heal itself when politicians don’t get involved. A seven-year period of governmental confinement could be just what the nation needs,” the professor said.

Meanwhile in Ireland understands that if the virus does reach Ireland, adequate stocks of anti-bodies are being held ready for distribution among all elected TDs and ministers. The general public is being advised to wrap up warm.