BREAKING NEWS from Dublin.
The GAA central council announced last night that it is to consider handicapping the County Dublin football team from the beginning of next season.
The move comes after a motion was put to the association’s Ard Chomhairle backed by five other counties but believed to have spearheaded by the Kerry and Mayo county boards.
Announcing the decision to progress the handicapping motion to next year’s annual congress, GAA President John Horan said.
“While we appreciate that deliberately putting future Dublin senior football teams at a distinct disadvantage may seem like a strange move — we as an organisation must take into consideration the welfare of the other teams in the competition.”
Four Years in a Row
Dublin has won the All Ireland a total of 28 times and most noticeably four times in a row since 2015 and are tipped by most pundits to win the 2019 final.
“I suppose in a way you can’t blame the other counties for being a bit cheesed off.” Horan said, then added, “Especially Kerry and poor Mayo, it’s like they can do nothing right.”
TV Deal
Referring to the television deal with Sky Sports Horan said. “We owe it to our television sponsors and the viewers to make the games as exciting as possible. To be honest, watching Dublin constantly win doesn’t make for good television.”
Could Take One of Three Forms
Meanwhile in Ireland’s sports department understand that the handicapping system could take one of three forms.
Firstly: reducing the number of players on Dublin teams from 15 down to 12.
Secondly: reducing the points gained for Dublin goals from 3 to 1 points per score.
Thirdly: enforcing the wearing of 12-kilo ankle weights for Dublin players.
It is also believed that the Mayo County Board would be in favour of a combination of all the above.
Reaction from Dublin
The initial reaction to the proposed handicapping from the Dublin County board was one of shock and anger.
Senior football manager, Jim Gavin spoke to reporters.
“Ah here!” He said. “It’s simply not on. I mean what are they so bleeding afraid of. Ok so, our lads are bleeding warriors while the other bleeding showers are bleeding pansies. But that’s the name of the bleeding game, isn’t it?”
No Changes to Dublin’s management Team
Gavin also confirmed that he would stay on as manager even after the rule changes.
“My lads are like the bleeding SAS of football and I’m like their commanding bleeding officer. I’m here for the bleeding duration —the next twenty years or so. Then who knows, perhaps bleeding politics?” He asked.
As we go to press, no spokespersons from either Mayo or Kerry were available for comment.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
