Long-standing girlfriend of many, Dolores Madigan revealed today that she is totally opposed to men who allow themselves to have female friends while in relationships.
Dolores a thirty-three-year-old Cork woman who has had numerous longish term relationships made the surprise announcement at a girl’s night out in Smyth’s bar Duglas Cork City.
Dolores who has just recently (again) found Mr Right is considered somewhat of a relationship guru among her peers.
“Dolores knows everything there is to know about men and relationships.” said one of her best friends when asked by reporters following up on the revelation.
Like a Counsellor
“She’s absolutely brilliant Buoy,” one very-best-friend — who doesn’t want to be named continued.
“We all goes to her when we have boyfriend troubles.”She’s like a counsellor to all of us.”
The very-best-friend continued then added “are you sure you won’t name me? I’d hate for me boyfriend to find out I was talking to Dolores about him.”
After we promised the very-best-friend that we would not name her and that it was highly unlikely that Jimmy Sweeney (33) of 44 Rose’s Avenue, Ballincollig, Cork and who works in O’Reilly’s Garage would ever read this, she continued.
A Feigned Interest in Soccer
“Well Dolores said, and she should know, that no man can give his attention to two women, especially if the other woman is that cheap s**t that works in accounts. The s**t who always wears the low cut frocks and shares her sandwiches with him. The kind of hussy who pretends to be interested in Grand-Prix and Cross Channel soccer,” she continued.
Plato is all s***e
It is also believed that Dolores is vehemently opposed to women having male platonic friends. She believes that “those kinds of relationships never work.
“You spend all your time being nice to a man only to notice that he is staring at your backside as you walk away from the photocopier — they’re filthy beasts, all of them.” she is reported as saying.
Speaking to members of the local, national and international press, namely one guy from the New York Times — who just happened to be in Cork on Holiday — Dolores expanded on her views.
“I meant what I said,” she confirmed. “No self-respecting man should have female friends while he is involved in a relationship, especially if he is in a relationship with me.” She said rather menacingly. “It wouldn’t be good for his health — if you get my drift.”
Men are ‘like sheep‘
“That’s what I told the girls last night and I’m making no apology for it. Not that it ever happened to me (she lied) but I’ve heard some terrible stories.
“You see,” Dolores explained to the mainly male press-pack “you men are like sheep and no sheep can have two shepherds. Especially a false shepherd with bigger tits than yours — it just confuses them.
Boyfriend allowed a lad’s night out ‘once a year‘
“No,” she said, “I don’t mind my boyfriend going out for a few pints with the lads once or twice a year — maybe at Christmas like.
“But I draw the line at them chatting to other females, you’d never know where it might lead — you just can’t trust the feckers.” She half screamed then sobbed while pulling out her hair then storming from the room.
“I wouldn’t even trust some of them with their fecking sisters.” She shouted while been led away by three other very-best-friends and kicking at the door.
Dolores’ current boyfriend who had been up to then cowering behind a column was last seen wearing a false beard and sunglasses as he headed for Cork Airport.