Government ministers are urging the public to order as soon as possible their Covid Vaccine Passport for less than 100 euro to return in droves to the bars.
The Irish Government has announced a new scheme that will allow the country’s most avid pint-drinkers and shot-takers to resume their draining of alcohol by October at the latest.
The new Covid Vaccine Passport will enable a swift and full return to bars across the Emerald Isle. Plus, it will only cost the pint-enthusiast a mere €99 if they pre-order their passports now.
The Covid Vaccine Passport – order now for premium access
If you are as quick at ordering your Covid Vaccine Passport as you are at downing your pint from the first round and leaving before your turn comes, you will only have to fork out just south of 100 euros.
Come October, the scheme will be rolled out in its entirety. Then, the watering-hole visit will only be permitted if you hand across around €169 for the freedom to sip those sweet indoor pints.
The Irish Government has claimed the scheme will help raise much-needed funds in the wake of the pandemic loss. They insist the 99 euro charge is “buttons” compared to what Irish people will spend on the drink.
Back to the pubs – the pints, the pints are calling
John Loughlin, Fine Gael TD and Government Minister in charge of the Passport roll-out, commented on the introduction of the scheme. “Look, he said. “We have all suffered over the past 18 months.
“One of the hardest-hit industries has been the pint-drinking sector. We want to ensure the Irish people can get back to one of their favourite hobbies in a timely and safe fashion, just before Christmas time.
“And what is €99 compared to what we will spend in the pubs? Jaysus, at this rate, I would imagine we will all spend that and more in one night’s sitting. I know I will anyway.”
What the local pint-drinkers think – a passport to drink?
Reaction to the news of the requirement for a passport to drink alcohol indoors has been mixed. Some quarters have welcomed the move, while the average Joe has lamented the decision by Government ministers.
“Safety first,” declared Lawrence Johnson, President of the Covid-Free Ireland Association (CFIA). “I don’t drink pints, and I wouldn’t be seen anywhere near a bar full of drunkards, but that’s my take on the issue,” concluded the south Dublin man.
Anti-vaxxer Tommy Dolan claimed the Vaccine Passport was another string to Bill Gates’ bow of surveillance. He told a perplexed crowd of journalists that he plans on going to the pub anyway.
“I’ll break down the door if I need to,” he said. Simultaneously reading another line from the “United States Covid Conspiracy Blog”.
Regardless of the implications, the Irish people have been urged to pre-order as soon as possible. A further incentive of 30 euro is included to cover the first round for those tight enough to avoid it.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
