Meanwhile in Ireland

    SUBSCRIBE TO OUR NEWSLETTER!

    What's Hot

    GAA Catfish episode of the 2 Johnnies features on Leaving Cert

    June 8, 2023

    Toll charges on Irish roads set to rise

    June 8, 2023

    5 GUINNESS cocktail recipes you need to try NOW

    June 8, 2023
    Facebook Twitter Instagram
    Meanwhile in Ireland
    • Home
    • News
    • Craic
    • Sports
    • More
      • Culture
      • Dublin
      • Funny
      • Irish People
      • Interesting News
      • Satire
      • The Drink!
      • Travel
      • TV and Movies
      • Viral
    • Shop
    Facebook YouTube Instagram TikTok
    Meanwhile in Ireland
    You are at:Home » News » Craic » Irish Government to accept UK refugees after Brexit
    Craic Satire

    Irish Government to accept UK refugees after Brexit

    Gerald LeinsterBy Gerald LeinsterDecember 10, 2019No Comments3 Mins Read
    Facebook Twitter WhatsApp Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Share:
    Facebook Twitter WhatsApp Pinterest Email

    The Irish government has announced that it will accept a number of British refugees after Brexit.

    Speaking at Taoiseach’s questions in the Dáil today, the Taoiseach Leo Varadkar told the House that the Republic would be open to accepting “its fair share” of British refugees in the event of a No-Deal or Hard Brexit.

    Taoiseach’s Speaks to Dáil

    “Let’s be open and honest here,” the Taoiseach said. “We as a nation need to face up to a few facts.

    “Britain is in the midst of a constitutional crisis, the country is akin to a rudderless ship sailing in stormy waters on a dark and dismal night, too close to the rocks and without a captain or competent crew.” Said Varadkar — who is known for his overuse of metaphors.

    “This is bound to lead to a massive economic crisis in the UK, the likes of which has not been seen since Fianna Fail went and strangled the Celtic Tiger.” The Taoiseach — who had obviously forgotten his own party’s part played in Ireland’s recession — said.

    “Ireland has often used the ‘boat train’ to Britain in those dark and dismal years when we couldn’t find work for our own or even feed them; the years when Fianna Fail led the Republic and abandoned its people.

    “Those years before the glorious Fine Gael government resumed power and brought about the prosperity which we now enjoy.” Leo told the House, slightly beginning to lose the run of himself.

    “No!” the Taoiseach continued. “Ireland will not be found wanting when it comes to accepting our fair share of economic migrants from a recession-hit country which we expect to be riddled by civil strife and mass unemployment.”

    Phone call with the Queen of England

    Leo then proceeded to relay to the House the contents of a telephone conversation he had had earlier with Queen Elizabeth II.

    “I feel for the poor woman,” he told the assembled TDs, some of whom were beginning to doze off on the backbenches.

    “Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. I said to her.”

    Leo told the remaining still awake politicians, blatantly plagiarising from the Statue of Liberty inscription — not that anyone noticed.

    Then he finished up by saying “I lift my lamp beside the Golden Door,” or some other equally obscure bullsh**e.

    The Arrangements

    A leaked government document detailing plans for accepting economic refugees from Britain has been seen by Meanwhile in Ireland’s News Team.

    The leaked plan contains Ireland’s commitment to taking four or five (definitely no more than six) English migrants, provided, of course, that they speak fluent Irish, play a decent game of hurling and have private health insurance.

    Oh yeah, the plan also states that applicants for asylum stand a much better chance of acceptance if they can prove a history of donations to Fine Gael.

    Disclaimer

    This article is satire. Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend. However, if you are offended, please inform us formally via a letter. You can ensure it gets to us by placing it in the nearest recycling bin.

    Share. Facebook Twitter WhatsApp Pinterest LinkedIn Tumblr Email
    Avatar photo
    Gerald Leinster
    • Website

    Gerald Leinster is one of Ireland's most noteworthy journalists, columnists and commentator on Irish and international issues. Often accused of being more right-wing than Genghis Khan whom he admires greatly, Gerald is an Oxbridge graduate. He has authored many best-selling books including the recent ' The Margaret Thatcher I knew and Loved' and his previous bestseller 'Reagan, Bush, and Trump -- Gods of Their Time.' In his spare time, you might find Gerald relaxing on a golf course in Kildare, watching International rugby or dining out in Dublin's more fashionable restaurants. Although he strives for a professional journalistic apolitical stance, he feels strongly about the reunification of Ireland and the UK. He also holds membership of both Fine Gael and Fianna Fail.

    Related Posts

    5 GUINNESS cocktail recipes you need to try NOW

    By Jade PoleonJune 8, 2023

    10 reasons why Dublin Airport is F**ING S**T

    By Jade PoleonJune 7, 2023

    10 signs you DEFINITELY went to school in NORTHERN IRELAND

    By Siân McQuillanJune 2, 2023

    Top 5 reasons why GUINNESS tastes better in IRELAND

    By Jade PoleonMay 31, 2023
    Latest Articles

    GAA Catfish episode of the 2 Johnnies features on Leaving Cert

    June 8, 2023

    Toll charges on Irish roads set to rise

    June 8, 2023

    5 GUINNESS cocktail recipes you need to try NOW

    June 8, 2023

    Dublin local rents out her driveway amid airport parking crisis

    June 7, 2023
    Stay In Touch
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • TikTok
    Don't Miss

    Brilliant Video from DCU: Things Freshers Say

    By Meanwhile in IrelandJuly 28, 2015

    DCU MPS (Media Production Society) again shows how its done in this painfully true video…

    Waterford Man sentenced to six months for ‘sniffing line of coke’ from the Blarney Stone

    May 21, 2019

    Hilarious Joke: An Irish man and an American compete for the same job in Dublin

    June 5, 2016

    ‘I’m tolerant of all people…except Catholics and Gays’ says DUP voter

    January 10, 2020

    Subscribe to our Newsletter!

    We specialise in Bizarre Irish News, Viral Videos and general Irish Craic.

    • Home
    • About us
    • Contact us
    • Guests Posts
    • Team
    • Work for us
    • Terms of use
    • Privacy policy
    • Disclaimer
    • Copyright
    • Shop
    Follow us

    Connect with us on your favourite social media app.

    Facebook Twitter Instagram Youtube TikTok
    Contact us

    19 Arthur St, Belfast, Northern Ireland, BT1 4GA.

    [email protected]

    Subscribe to our Newsletter!

    ©Copyright 2019 - Meanwhile in Ireland | Trading under Emerald Green Media

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.