Home Craic ‘I’m not a stoner’ claims stoner who smokes four joints a day

‘I’m not a stoner’ claims stoner who smokes four joints a day

A Galway man has today vehemently denied that his habitual smoking of Marijuana affects his intelligence even though he roles and smokes four-marijuana-laced cigarettes per day.

Toby McDermott (32) of Salthill View, Galway City, also strenuously pushed back accusations made by his inner circle of friends that he was a ‘stoner’, i.e. a person who regularly takes cannabis and who is consistently under its influence.

McDermott’s reaction to the accusations

Credit: www.commons.wikimedia.org

“Will you go away to feck!” was McDermott’s immediate reaction when the initial accusation was levelled at him by his new girlfriend, Angela, while they were having a social drink with friends at the Lock Bar in Galway City.

“Oh yeah, you definitely are!” was the common consensus of others in the group. “Shur, you barely know what day of the week it is half the time ‘cos you’re so far out in space.”

How many days in the week?

“Don’t be fecking stupid” McDermott replied. “Of course I know what day of the week it is — it’s the day after Dole day. Isn’t it?” he asked, only making more of a fool of himself.

“No seriously, do you actually know how many days are in the week?” asked one of his mates, knowing fine rightly that McDermott wouldn’t have a clue.

“Of course I do,” replied McDermott, who was a bit distracted by a shiny thing reflecting against the lights of the bar. “You have Dole day and then the other four that come after,” he answered confidently.

Credit: www.pixabay.com

Away with the fairies

At this stage of the evening, McDermott, who was after finishing his third joint of the day, was beginning to get — as the Irish would say — away with the fairies.

Busily trying to figure out would he have Pringles or a Mars bar for dinner, he didn’t hear what Angela was asking, who was punching him on the arm to get his attention. Angela eventually asked; “Toby, did you ever actually work a day in your life?”

“Yeah, sure I did,” he replied. “I just can’t remember at what — but I must have done something once — I’m fairly certain of that, so I am,” he said to the group.

‘Doing my bit for world peace’

Credit: Aia Fernandez / Flickr

“Anyway,” Mc Dermott said, who was getting a bit philosophical at this stage as the mellowing effects of the weed were beginning to kick in.

“There’s nothing wrong with smoking the odd joint. I mean, I’m doing my bit for world peace. Imagine if the whole world smoked a joint at the exact same time; there would be global peace for at least an hour or two. Wouldn’t there?” he asked.

“Yeah,” answered Angela, “until they ran out of munchies — then they’d be tearing each others fecking hair out. Jaysus will you ever get real,” she asked, to which McDermott replied; “What is reality but an illusion caused by the lack of good weed?”

McDermott’s end to the day

Credit: Martin Alonso / Flickr

Shortly after McDermott’s philosophical exchange, himself and Angie left for her flat where McDermott smoked his last joint left Angela to go to bed on her own, ate some Pringles and played video games for two hours before remembering to turn the TV on.

Follow us on social media


Most Popular

Guinness to be renamed as ‘Smirnoff Irish Stout’, Diageo confirms

Source: geograph.org.uk, Russell Trebor  The drinks manufacturing company Diageo have unveiled a new marketing strategy which will...

Irish bar owner in Spain confesses he is ‘sick of rowdy English’

An Irish bar owner who owns and operates an Irish pub in Spain has announced that he...

Ireland to introduce a one-child policy to reduce ‘excessive’ dole queues

Responding to a massive increase in unemployment figures, the Irish Government plans to introduce limits on family...

Mayo priests refused entry to pub after being mistaken for stag do

Five priests from County Mayo are set to take a case for breach of civil rights to...