A West Belfast man has argued that he ‘couldn’t hold it any longer’ after peeing himself on bus with no toilet from Dublin to Belfast after night out.
“I just couldn’t hold it any longer” was the defence of a thirty-year-old man who appeared in Belfast Crown Court last Thursday accused of urinating on the late night Dublin to Belfast direct bus.
Mr Patrick O’Doherty (27) of West Belfast had refused to pay an on-the-spot fine which had been issued by the Translink bus driver and subsequently was required to appear in court.
Mr O’Doherty, a second-year law student, claimed the urination incident came about as a direct result of the uncertainty surrounding Brexit.
Responding to questions
Responding to questions put by Judge Ridley Stevens, O’Doherty who was defending himself said.
“It was like this Judge. A few of my friends and I were out having a quiet social drink then the conversation turned to Brexit and the whole Backstop and border issue.
“One of the lads said that it’s going to be a shame that we might never get to see Dublin, as he heard the Brits were going to close the border.”
O Doherty continued to explain to the judge that he along with his friends are of the nationalist persuasion —”me Uncle Seamus is a Sinn Fein councillor in Ardoyne.” he told the court.
“I definitely wanted to see Dublin, just the once before they close the border, so we jumped on the early afternoon bus and we were sipping Guinness in Temple bar by seven.”
Northern Assembly
Explaining to the Judge, that since the suspension of the Northern Ireland Assembly in 2017 there is a sense of abandonment among his age group.
“We don’t get out much, Judge,” he said. “There simply nowhere to go here in Belfast to hear a decent bit of Irish music. That’s why we needed to visit Dublin.”
“We had a great night,” O Doherty continued. “It was a fantastic cultural experience, not that we overdid it or anything — just about nine or ten pints each.”
“When it came to time to leave and the bar staff had begun collecting glasses there was a queue a mile long outside the toilets and to be honest I didn’t really need to pee at that stage. But it was a whole different story a few miles up the motorway as we headed back north.”
In The Heat of the Bus
O Doherty went on to explain that just a few miles outside of Dublin he felt a tremendous pressure on his kidneys and a terrible urge to urinate began to build up.
“One of the lads told the driver, but there was nowhere to stop and to be honest Judge, the driver didn’t seem that bothered.” He said.
“We had one bottle of Heineken left that I could have peed into but it was full and none of the lads was prepared to drink that shite, so I really was in a bad way.”
Evidence
The court was shown photographic evidence of the stained back of the seat in front of O Doherty’s. The stain was estimated to have been caused by at least two litres of urine.
O Doherty went on to apologise to the court and said. “I never meant any harm Judge, but I was only trying to revisit my nationalist roots and get in touch with my lost heritage.
Surprisingly the judge said he understood and sympathised with O’Doherty’s circumstances and dismissed the case and recommended that Translink ensure there is a toilet on every bus from Belfast to Dublin.
Disclaimer
This article is satire. We do satire articles because it is great craic and Irish people love it! Articles in this section are spoof articles which should not be taken as the truth, nor are they are intended to offend.
